Like everyone else, I don't like blogging when things aren't great. But if I don't, I internalize everything and blow it way out of proportion.
I'm super depressed today. It's been slowly getting worse over the past week or so. I'm not sure what to do. Maybe I should go up on my medication.
I'm supposed to go to church in a few minutes. I've been dreading it all day. For some reason, when I'm really depressed, church is EXTREMELY stressful for me. Being around all those happy people that keep asking me how I'm doing really freaks me out. Sometimes I will even have minor panic attacks during Sacrament Meeting.
Mitchell was scheduled to work this morning/afternoon for some stupid reason. Which means I have to wrestle with Joseph on my own and I won't have his support in Nursery. There is only 3 of us with about 10 or so rambunctious kids (at least 3 need special one-on-one attention to survive the 2 hours) and without Mitchell it will be 2 of us. I regret that I have little confidence in our new leader. It took her 2 months of spending Nursery with us every week before she even remembered who we were. Even now if I call her, it takes her a few minutes before she remembers who I am.
Basically, I'm not ready or excited about the rest of this day. I just want to stay curled up on the couch all day long and maybe eat some chocolate.
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Sunday is a super stressful day for me too. I'm the primary choruster. It's a pretty demanding calling. I have to have something new prepared every Sunday for the kids. My challenge right now is with my youngest boy. I have to hand him off every Sunday to another adult. Only, the problem is...he screams the whole time I'm doing singing time. It makes me so sad to see him like that. Today was so hard; one of the counselors just took over singting time for me and told me to take my boys home; my boy Ethan just would not calm down. I feel like crying before I go to church every Sunday. But suprisingly, I always feel so much happier after church, and I'm so glad that I went. The rest of my week goes better when I actually get to go. Sometimes, thinking about how I made it through something so stressful, even if it didin't go as smoothly as I would have liked, helps me feel like I've accomplished something, or just relieved. I'm sure the nursery is HARD, but I'm sure Heavenly Father knew what He was doing when he called you to the nursery. You're amazing, and I bet YOU are what THOSE children need at this particular time.
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