Update

I've been feeling prompted to return to blogging for awhile now, but I always put it on the back-burner. I guess today I'm going to try to come back to blogging. I want my family to know what's going on in my life. I want to share things with them.

I guess this post will be an update on everything that has happened in the past couple months. We moved in with Mitchell's mom, Ellen, the beginning of April. Mitchell is taking this time to work on his art so that he can progress in his career.

I am 10 weeks pregnant with an "Oops!" baby; I had applied to attend BYU in January, but now I'm having a baby in November, so that's not happening. I was on a mood stabilizer for bipolar II disorder, but had to stop because of the pregnancy. I also can't take Xanax any longer. 

I am in the process of getting into the Mental Health system here so that I can get things figured out, but I've probably got a few more weeks before I get to see a psychiatrist. With all the moving and then medication changes, I've been struggling a bit with my mood and functioning and such. I'm just trying to take things slowly right now. 

Joseph is attending school at the "same" elementary school Mitchell went to; I used the quotation marks because it's a new building with none of the same teachers, but it has the same name, mascot, and location. He is doing pretty well. Some days are better than others, but that's how things always are.

That's the biggest stuff that's happened, and the basis of my life right now!

Crazy, Sick Kids

It has been a crazy month for our family health-wise. Mitchell had to take Joseph to the ER at the beginning of the month while I was out of town, and Joseph had some pretty bad bronchitis. He had to take antibiotics, use an inhaler and a nebulizer, and it was all pretty crazy. He is still coughing regularly, so we have to use the inhaler sometimes before school.

Annabelle and Mitchell had the same respiratory infection that started Joseph's bronchitis. And Charlie and I caught it once we were back in town. There was lots of coughing and a bit of misery for the first part of the month. Charlie is still coughing pretty badly and I'm still coughing a bit.

On Thursday, I noticed Charlie's eye looked pink and there was a lot of goop in the corners. Annabelle's 4 year well-check was the next morning, so I just had him seen at the same time. The doctor checked his lungs and his eye, but he seemed to be just fine.

Friday evening, while I was making dinner, Charlie threw up all over the little, neighbor girl, Janina, while she was playing at our house. I stripped him down and took his temperature, but he was asleep before I even finished. His temp was just around 100 degrees, so I didn't think it was a big deal. He slept on my bed for about an hour and a half. When he woke up, he was burning up, so I took his temp again and it had risen to 102.5 degrees. He seemed pretty lethargic and delirious, so I was initially very worried. I was about to take him to the ER, but I felt like I should clean him up first and try to cool him down a bit. We spent about 40 minutes in the shower, just sitting in the water, until we ran out of hot water. I kept asking him if he wanted to get out and lay in the bed, but he would just say, "uh-uh." He just laid in my lap with his eyes closed and swished his hand in the water. When we were finally out of hot water, I got him out, dried him off, and dressed him. And his fever was WAY down. He was also talking to me normally, telling me he was hungry and asking for drinks. He had apple juice and watched PBS with the kids until really late. Annabelle came into the room crying shortly after the shower because her ear was hurting. I gave her ibuprofen and a heating pad to rest on. Sometime while watching PBS, and I was washing the dishes from dinner, Charlie threw up just a little bit on the floor next to my bed. But by the time Mitchell got home from work, around 10:30, Charlie was jumping on the bed and playing as if nothing had happened. He slept on the floor next to me that night, and kept me up with his coughing. I kept thinking he was going to throw up again, but he just had so much drainage running down his throat that he was trying to cough up. He didn't even wake up for any of his coughing fits!

I had planned on taking the kids to Boo at the Zoo Saturday morning, but after the evening's ordeal, I figured that wasn't a good idea. But then all the kids seemed just fine! They played and did all their normal stuff. I figured they were all feeling better, so I started trying to get everything ready for church the next day. I let Charlie sleep next to me again, and he was coughing most of the night again. Joseph was also coughing a lot during the night, and Annabelle needed more ibuprofen for her ear.

By morning, I just felt like I should give them a little longer to get better, so Mitchell went to church without us. When Charlie got up, I noticed a patch of red bug bites on his ankle. I figured he'd rolled on a spider or something on my floor because our house is full of bugs. When Annabelle woke up, we noticed one of her eyes was pink looking. And she had a runny nose and cough. When I went to change Charlie's diaper, I found patches of the "bug bites" all over his body, and that's when I realized they were hives. He had them all over and was scratching a lot, so I gave him some Benadryl. He was also getting warm again, so Mitchell had me give him some Tylenol. About 2 hours after the Tylenol, his temp was around 100.2 degrees, so I wonder what it would have been if we hadn't given him the Tylenol. The rest of the day went fine, but at bedtime, Joseph kept saying he was itchy. I checked and he was covered with patches of hives, too! I gave him Benadryl before bed, and Annabelle needed ibuprofen again.

This morning, Joseph's hives were gone, but Charlie still had his and Annabelle had some. At 9 am, I called the doctor's office and made an appointment for all three of them. I was worried about Joseph being contagious because of the hives/rash being on all three kids, so I had him pulled out of class to wait in the nurse's office until I could get there.

They were extremely ill-behaved at the doctor's office. I couldn't believe how rowdy, loud, and disrespectful they were being! I spent the whole appointment trying to keep them under control (and failing) while trying to answer all the doctor's and nurse's questions. After looking at them, the doctor told me they all had ear infections, and Joseph had fluid in BOTH of his ears. That would also explain a lot of the other stuff going on. It's possible to get hives from viruses, so we are thinking that is what is causing their hives. They are going to all be on antibiotics, plus we are getting eye drops for the pink eye. I was instructed to continue with the inhaler for Joseph as needed, and to use Benadryl for the hives, as needed.

Right now, Joseph and Charlie are playing out on the front porch --it's 85 degrees today!-- and Annabelle is sleeping after a dose of Benadryl. I just wish all three of them were sleeping so that I could, too! The past few days have been exhausting!

Scary Charlie

It's just me and Charlie awake now that Joseph is at school. After Joseph got on the bus, we came inside. I walked down the hallway to tell Mitchell something, even though he was mostly asleep. It's pretty dark, quiet, and cozy in the house right now. As I walked back down the hallway to find Charlie, he jumped out behind me from the hallway bathroom and yelled. I screamed and laughed at the same time. How is this little guy old enough to know how to scare people?

Laundry

I washed a load of laundry by hand today. I filled up my tub, soaked the clothes about an hour, then rinsed and wrung out each piece of clothing. I think the second part took me well over an hour. And my muscles were aching so bad! While I was doing it, I kept thinking about my pioneer ancestors, and how things like that were just the way life was, and how I'm so soft compared to them. I also really wanted to watch Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, since Charlie's mom is a laundry woman. Another thing I was thinking as I was washing was that I didn't put any of Joseph's pants in that load, and he had NO clean ones. I didn't think I'd have the stamina to do another load. While Mitchell was hanging the laundry to dry for me, Amber came over and offered to take the wet ones home to dry and the pants to wash. Her visit was an answer to my prayers!

The Good and Bad.

The last few days have been pretty crazy. Last week, I had some kind of virus. I'm pretty sure it was the flu because of the severity of the symptoms and how quickly it went away, but Mitchell says it was a cold. Pretty much everyone else got it, but I had it the worst. And then I threw out my back on Sunday morning, and it's been slowly healing since then. So I've been barely doing the minimum requirements to get my family by.

The best things that have happened were being brought groceries from ward members both yesterday and today. We've also received clothes and a gift card. It has been so amazing how much help we have been receiving from our amazing ward. We also FINALLY got our food stamps card in the mail. And we got an Amazon gift card from our credit card rewards that we are using to get some of those more expensive home supplies like A/C filters and printer ink.

So I guess the point of this all is that there are always great blessings even when it seems like things suck.

Oh, and it was Mitchell's 30th birthday last week. It was fun!

Debating

I have trouble focusing on multiple big projects because I prefer to put all my energy into one project at a time. Lately, I've been struggling between job hunting and home organization. We need some kind of income, which is why I've been trying to spend time looking for jobs, but I'm starting to feel pretty discouraged. My house is also in complete chaos because I just haven't had time and/or energy to take care of everything.

Part of me is feeling like I have to make a decision between the two options. This thought especially came up yesterday when I started brainstorming what I thought was an amazing idea, but now I'm just worried it's too complicated. I joined a website that helps you with service-type business with a pet care service. I was pretty excited thinking I could start pet sitting and dog-walking, and then I was thinking about eventually expanding to party planning, decorating, and other interests. But then I found out you have to pay to send quotes to the different job ads. So I lost my momentum...

I just don't know if I should continue to try dividing my attention, or if I should focus on one thing at a time. And should I try to pursue this pet business idea through different avenues? I don't know... Why do I have to be so indecisive?!

Off Duty

You know those nights when you just can't handle anymore? That was me tonight. At around 8:45, I announced to the house that I was "off duty" and would not be doing anymore responsible things. I managed to convince myself to wash my makeup off and brush my teeth. I even managed to read a couple pages from the Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith for my gospel study. And I'm only blogging because I needed to rant a little bit. And, I've been having a lot of abdominal pain, which I'm sure is contributing to my crankiness.

Off-Day

Today was an "off" day for me. I just felt moody and frustrated most of the day. I've been working really hard to be patient with myself, and with the Lord's plan, as we try to figure out what to do. We haven't had much come up in the way of work yet. Mitchell is on his last week/paycheck for the freelance indie game he's been working on. He has been asked to do some illustrations for a friend, so that will be great. But that's all. The only time someone seems interested in hiring me, it would cost more to work there than I'd be getting paid! So we keep applying and keep praying and something will happen when it's time.

On the good side, Joseph has been doing well in school. He's going to a martial arts class several times a week, and it's really helping him with his focus, respect, and discipline, as well as getting energy out. We had a great family home evening with a good lesson and a fun activity. I'm also getting really involved in Joseph's school, so that should be fun.

Striving

The past two months have been very stressful. It's been so hard trying to find our path amid all the adversity that is in front of us. But, as I contemplate how much I have changed in the past two months, I have to be grateful for these trials. 

This is the first time in years that I have felt this close to my Father in Heaven. I am striving daily to be worthy of His spirit so that I can be guided. I have been humbled; I know that we can't do this on our own, so we've been turning to others for help. I am also more willing to sacrifice for the greater good, even if it's just staying up until midnight to get the kitchen clean so that the roaches don't get bad again. 

I'm grateful for the help that we have received from family, friends, our ward family, and even acquaintances. We are truly being blessed by the Lord each day as we try our best to do His will. I know that, in His own time, we will be able to find the work we need and we will be able to provide for ourselves. And I know that while we are working towards that goal, we will grow to become more like the disciples that He would have us be.

Job Interview #2

I had another job interview today; it was at a PetSmart for a Bather position in the grooming salon. I was pretty excited about this interview, just because I love animals and I've missed having them in my life. I got myself all pretty and put on my "interview" pants, which are really just the only pair of slacks that I own. 

I really don't know how well the interview went. I felt very calm and confident in myself, but I really don't know if I am what they want. I was very honest and open from the beginning; when he asked me to tell him about myself, the first thing I said was "I'm a mother of three children." The interviewer seemed disappointed that I have zero retail experience. He kept asking me different "scenario" questions that I was supposed to answer with what I've done in the past, but most of them I've never really dealt with in a work environment. I didn't say that, though! I would just answer with what I would try to do, or even expect others to do in that situation. He asked me if I'd ever multiple-tasked before and I responded by (not sarcastically) saying that I do every day because I have three kids. I'm pretty sure this guy doesn't have any experience with kids. When he asked me about working with animals, and brought up crickets, I let him know that I'm terrified of them, almost at a phobia level, but said that I'd work past it if I was required to. I really don't think that I could have done any better at the interview, it's just really in their hands now.

Anxiety

I am SO nervous about starting a new job. I talked to my new boss, Jeff, yesterday, and we decided to have me start next week on Thursday. We postponed because we've got some fun stuff going on for Joseph next week (KinderCamp!). So now I have a week until my job starts, which leaves A LOT of time for me to build up anxiety.

Today, my chest was tight most of the time. Several times, I was close to tears and/or hyperventilating. I've also been sick to my stomach, but I guess it's good that I'm not eating as much? I hate that I feel like this, but it's been something I've dealt with for so many years. I specifically remember feeling like this before attending my first Stake Dance, but I had no idea why I felt so bad.

I don't want to take medication, though, at least not during the day when I need to do stuff. It took me most of the day to just figure out what I needed to do because my brain was working so slow, but I was able to get some good stuff done. My biggest accomplishment was starting a Scripture Journal. I've been feeling prompted to learn more about the Law of Sacrifice, so I decided to start a journal to keep track of what I learn. I'm going to blog more about the journal on my other blog, Searching for a Hobby. Studying about sacrifice has really helped me to feel more comfortable with the idea of working a new job; I'm realizing that I need to make some sacrifices to help my family progress and grow.

I looked over our budget today, and that REALLY helped strengthen my resolve to work. We are in a huge financial hole right now, but if I can work while Mitchell gets freelance work, we might be able to start digging ourselves out.

What I REALLY Want for Mother's Day

I was thinking about what I really WANT while I was in the shower.

I've been feeling down a lot lately, and just feeling like I need something, but not know what it is. So my thought process went to how Mitchell and I haven't been spending much time together the past week because he's working on a "Top Secret" project right now, and will be until Monday. But then I thought about how we really haven't spent much time together since we moved to Georgia because he works about 50 hours a week. And we're always stressed about money or job stuff or something "adult."

So I realized what I want is a trip, with Mitchell and without the kids. We've NEVER done that before. In the 6 years we've been married, we've never gone somewhere special just the two of us (I'm not talking about a few hours for a date). We never had a honeymoon or a babymoon or an anniversary trip or any of those things that people normally do. Because we're poor, we've always been poor, and we probably always will be poor.

So what do I do then? How do I realize this dream? How have others done it?