Annabelle's Princess Party - Arrival and First Presents

When the kids arrived, they each had a crown to decorate. With the help of one of the moms the night before, we made a Sleeping Beauty crown for each girl. Joseph and the other little boy had crowns to decorate that I got at Dollar Tree.

Here she is modeling the crown her crown after decorating it. Doesn't she look so happy? ;) She was so distracted by everything going on.

Each of the girls also had a paper "berry basket" with jewelry, tattoos, and a princess toy in it. We kept the tattoos out of reach for the party, but they were able to get dressed in their jewelry.

 I didn't have a basked for Joseph, but he had a sword and shield instead. He was very precise in decorating his crown and only put jewels in the obvious jewel spots at the top.

He was so excited to be a prince.

Before we could start the tea party, Annabelle needed to open two of her presents. We had bought her a tea and dinner set from IKEA.

Isn't she so pretty?! And I love the Sleeping Beauty dress she picked out at Kid-to-Kid.

I was so worried about her dropping the tea set on the ground.

She was better at letting me support the dinner set.

Annabelle's Princess Party - The Decorations & Food

Annabelle's 3rd birthday was the 22nd of October and I threw her a Sleeping Beauty Princess Tea Party. I stayed up too late too many nights making decorations for her party, but it looked so great!

I made the Happy Birthday out of glitter foam sheets and her name out of felt. When she woke up in the morning, one of the first things she pointed out was this and she said, "Look, Mom! It says "Happy Birthday, Annabelle!"

I wanted the house to look like a castle and I came up with a fun idea to hang the streamers like a roof. I just loved the way it looked.

Also in the upper left corner, you can sort of see her Birthday balloons. One was a foil Princess Crown and then two pink balloons. She was so excited when I brought them to her and she played with them until they couldn't say up on their own anymore.

We used Mitchell's art desk as the food table. I made the stained glass window hanging over it. 

We had Hot Chocolate with toppings, pink lemonade, strawberry cupcakes, tea cakes (pound cake with icing), cucumber sandwiches and cream cheese & jelly sandwiches cut into crowns, lemon cookies, dipped pretzel rods, dipped marshmallows, and berries.

One of the moms brought fresh roses from her garden, and they were so beautiful!

Preschool

The first week of September, we started a preschool co-op with a few families in the ward, as well as homeschool preschool stuff. Tuesdays and Thursdays are our co-op days, and today was at our house. The kids love seeing their friends and getting to do fun things with them. And I like having a chance to spend time with other women.

On Mondays and Fridays we go over a letter at our house and do activities related to the days theme. I matched up each letter with a superhero, Star Wars character, or other such person that Joseph loves, and that's our theme for those days.

On Wednesdays, we go to the library's preschool program. Joseph goes in the Storytime room for a little class, while Annabelle, Charlie, and I sit at the story circle for reading, songs, and a puppet show. We also always end up taking tons of books home. Our house is becoming overrun with library books.

We missed some preschool while we were in Idaho last month, so the kids and I have been catching up on letters so that we are on track with the co-op. We are doing G and Green Lantern tomorrow instead of going to the library, or maybe we'll do both, I haven't decided.

It's fun planning out ideas and working with the kids to help them learn. I've found that I get easily frustrated, though, so I have to take lots of calming breaks, and I've been using a lot of Citrus Bliss, which is an essential oil blend I love. I love watching the kids learn, but they have very short attention spans, and they usually want to do something else, like playing video games or watching TV. But I think it's been good so far, and I know it will get better if I keep trying and keep praying.

Spiritual Duty as a Mother

Something that I've been seeing a lot of lately is the discussion about the role of the Priesthood, and how it affects women. It's been on my mind a lot as I read the opinions and feelings of many different people with many different views.  

I've been reading and studying the Doctrine and Covenants lesson on Priesthood lately, and I feel like it addresses this issue so well. It answers my questions and confirms my testimony.

Over and over again, I've read and understood that I am able to have all the blessings of the Priesthood through my diligent study of the scriptures and participation in the ordinances of the gospel. One passage that I have studied multiple times, and that has helped lead me to this understanding, is in Section 84. I feel like these verses describe my duty as a mother.

19 And this greater priesthood administereth the gospel and holdeth the key of the mysteries of the kingdom, even the key of the knowledge of God. 

20 Therefore, in the ordinances thereof, the power of godliness is manifest. 

21 And without the ordinances thereof, and the authority of the priesthood, the power of godliness is not manifest unto men in the flesh;

22 For without this no man can see the face of God, even the Father, and live.

23 Now this Moses plainly taught to the children of Israel in the wilderness, and sought diligently to sanctify his people that they might behold the face of God.

As I have studied and prayed about these verses, I've been lead to know that they are my goal as a mother, to prepare my children, and self, through the power of the priesthood to be worthy to behold the face of God. Through my study, I have learned that, in order to do this, I must teach my children to keep the commandments, to study the scriptures diligently, and to participate in gospel ordinances regularly. Through personal righteousness and regular participation in temple ordinances, every member of my family will the able to access the mysteries of the kingdom, the knowledge of God, and the power of godliness; they will be worthy to behold the face of God.

This is a life-long goal, so my prayer is that I will be able to keep it in the forefront of my mind throughout daily life so that I can help my family progress.

Turning to the Lord

On Tuesday, I had the time to read and study from the scriptures before the kids woke up. I was working through the scripture chain in Lesson 8 of the Doctrine and Covenants study manual, which is about the Restoration of the Priesthood and the governing of the Church through the restored keys. However, as I was marking and reading a couple verses in Section 78, I felt prompted to read the surrounding verses to better understand what I was reading. While doing that, I came across two verses that really touched my heart; they seem perfectly suited to things I've been thinking and feeling lately.

Last week, I felt an increase in my anxiety and depression. Those feelings always lead to a lot of negative thinking. Sometimes it's very difficult to break out of the cycle of negative thoughts to realize that most of what I'm thinking isn't real or true. Sometimes, life feels impossible to me. It feels like I'll never make it through the next year, month, week, or day. But I've been learning to turn to the Lord more, and put myself in his hands to help me when I don't think I can make it on my own.

So these verses were exactly what I needed to hear:

17 Verily, verily, I say unto you, ye are little children, and ye have not as yet understood 

how great blessings the Father hath in his own hands and prepared for you;

18 And ye cannot bear all things now; nevertheless, be of good cheer, for I will lead you along. 

The kingdom is yours and the blessings thereof are yours, and the riches of eternity are yours.

If I keep turning to the Lord in my time of need, as well as during times of strength, He will bless me to keep going, even when it seems impossible. And I someday I will have all the blessings promised to me.

Anxiety

Today was a hard day. The past few days I'd been noticing a little more depression and anxiety; today was like the climax of all the anxiety. I started having one of my anxiety attacks, which was worse than any I've had in several months. I ended up needing to take some Xanax in order to calm myself down. It was hard for me to do that. I was starting to feel proud of myself because I haven't had to take any since May, so I felt like a failure taking it. Mitchell really helped me feel better about it, though. He helped me remember that sometimes we just have bad days or we have setbacks, and that's normal, so I'm not a failure for needing help managing my anxiety sometimes. We went for a nice walk in the canyon after I'd calmed down. Then we had lunch at Chick-Fil-A and bought cupcakes at the Sweet Tooth Fairy. I took a long nap with Charlie when we came home. After I woke up, Mitchell and I put candles in our cupcakes and we finally sang Happy Birthday to ourselves. Even though the day started out bad, it did end well, and I'm grateful for that. I'm grateful for the support of my husband and for the things I've learned as I've dealt with my depression and anxiety the last several months. I know that I can continue getting better and getting stronger, as long as I rely on the Lord.

Happy Birthday to Me!

I had a great birthday today. Mitchell brought me donuts when he came home from work, and then he did the dishes for me! We went to Denny's for breakfast, which was really nice. Later, we went to the mall and I got 3 amazing smelling lotions from Bath and Body Works; they were having a sale, which is why I got 3. We spent some time in the afternoon watching Season 2 of Adventure Time, which Mitchell bought with a birthday card his brother gave him. Then for dinner, we went to Mimi's Cafe. We were really disappointed there to find out they no longer have their beignets, which were the best part about Mimi's. It was all still really delicious, though. I got to Skype with my mom for a while, and then my really good friend, Kaydee, brought me a present! It's a book that I'm just starting to read. I got so many birthday messages on Facebook, text messages, emails, and phone calls today, which made today even more special. I think this has been one of the best birthdays I've ever had! Now, if Charlie will just go to sleep so it can end well, too... ;)

Blogging Failure

I'm starting to think I just fail at blogging and maybe I should give up on it. I usually can't think of things to blog about, but when I do, I can't find the time to do it.

We've been sick for a week now. Hopefully, we'll be getting better soon. Being sick really messes everything up.

I just don't know if I should keep this blog up or not.

Making Friends

Joseph and Annabelle have finally made friends in the neighborhood. It took longer here than at Wymount; probably because we never went outside when we first moved here because I was uncomfortably pregnant,and then it was winter. Now, the kids beg to go outside as soon as they wake up. I think it's because they think their friends will be out there all the time, or something like that. So we go outside a lot, and, when their friends actually are out there, they get so excited. Today, when Joseph saw his friend, Daniel, he ran up to him saying, "Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!" 

Last week, Joseph And Annabelle had a play date with their friends at the new splash pad. They had so much fun playing, and it was great for me to get a chance to hang out with other moms.

From left to right: Annabelle, Oliver, Joseph, Leah, Daniel, and Aislin. 

We were really trying to get some cute photos, but my camera is just too slow at taking pictures and the kids were too restless. It's hilarious that Joseph looks so bored, too. They are such a fun bunch of kids, and I'm excited for the fun they will have together this summer.

Oils

I've recently gotten into doTERRA essential oils; I bought a kit of my first oils on Saturday. The kids think it's pretty awesome and they love smelling the oils. The have even started asking for Lavender when they get a scrape or bruise. I don't have much experience with the oils yet, but I'm definitely having fun learning.

6 Month Chuck

Charlie turned 6 months old yesterday! He's just the sweetest, most awesome baby in the whole world. He's basically always happy, unless he's hungry or tired. He's hungry a lot, but he's so patient and usually let's us know he's hungry with a little "stage cough" before he gets angry or upset. He's so social and just loves everyone. We are frequently told that he's the "smiley-est baby" people have seen. He absolutely adores Joseph, who can almost always make him laugh. I love having him as a part of our family, and he's a great reminder to me of why I like being a mom.

I wanted to take pictures yesterday, but we had too much going on already. So today I took pictures. I wanted to do a fancy little shoot of him at one of our favorite parks, but we just didn't have time. I'm trying to remember not to over-schedule our days or put too many expectations on myself. Instead, I just took some pictures of him at home laying on the beautiful blanket that his grandma made for him. These are the ones that I think turned out alright. What do you think?

Splash Pad

We went to the new splash pad at Pioneer Park this evening. There was a ribbon cutting ceremony at 4:30, but we had to go find Annabelle's hat that we'd left at another park earlier in the day, so we didn't go to that part. By the time we got the hat, it was dinnertime, then Mitchell had to go to work, so the kids and I walked to the park by ourselves. It was a bit after 7 when we got there. Joseph and Annabelle were so excited to get into the water. Joseph thought it was awesome, but he's sort of afraid of water, so he mostly stayed around the perimeter. 

 Annabelle wasn't afraid at all and got completely soaked almost immediately. She was running around and screaming; sometimes she'd slip because it was so wet and slippery, but she didn't care because she was having so much fun.

After running around and playing for a while, Annabelle realized she was super cold and she started crying. I had to wrap her in her towel and Charlie's blanket to warm her up. I was going to take her home because I was a little worried about hypothermia, but she was ready to go back and play after a few quiet minutes in my lap.

I finally convinced them it was time to go home just before 8 when they were both drenched and shivering. We started walking home, but Joseph's little feet hurt because we did A LOT of walking yesterday and he was too cold to move quickly. So I carried Charlie and let Joseph ride. Pushing the stroller one-handed is really difficult, especially with the two heavier kids in it. I have a tendency to complain and get annoyed about things, but I wanted to be a good mom, so I let my little boy ride. He had to get out and walk right before the tracks because I couldn't push the stroller one-handed over them, but he got to ride most of the way. My arms were dead tired when I got home, but it was worth it to take care of my babies. Sometimes I forget that Joseph and Annabelle are my babies, too, and I think they are bigger/older than they really are. It's good for me to remember and let them be babies, though.

New Blog!

I created a new blog to keep track of my hobby searching. Check it out!

http://searchinghobby.blogspot.com/

Searching for a Hobby, Part 2

I'm still working on figuring out my hobby. I made this really complicated, long list where I wrote down what the hobby was, when I would work on it, where I would do it, why I want to do it, how I would learn it, and about how much it would cost. Mitchell and I went through it and talked about things. We came up with a couple ideas. Mitchell was saying that I could try one hobby per week and just go through all the ones I'm interested in. He was also saying that I could combine a few of the hobbies and do cake decorating, photography, and blogging together. I'm partial to the first idea because I have so many interests. Mitchell likes the second idea better. I'm not sure what I should do, so I'm going to give it some thought. Any advice?

Searching for a Hobby

I think something important I've been learning is to have something for myself, to keep my "identity." It was recommended by my therapist, too. So, over the past week or two, Mitchell and I have been discussing a hobby for me. We are taking this a bit seriously because we want it to be successful. I have a tendency to start things, but never finish them, or even to do tons of research for something, but never actually start it. That is causing us to take our time to find something that I'm really interested in and capable of doing. As part of the process, Mitchell had me make a list of all the hobbies I could think of. He encouraged me to think outside the box and even put things that I probably wouldn't be able to do or even want to do, just to get the ideas flowing. Here's the list that I made (it's REALLY long):

• photography
• gardening
• music - singing, piano, viola, etc.
• running/marathon training
• yoga
• sewing
• scrapbooking
• cooking/baking
• cake decorating
• crocheting/knitting
• beauty - trying new hair styles, makeup techniques, nail art tricks, etc.
• get a pet
• painting
• drawing/sketching
• woodworking
• dance
• beading/jewelry making
• pottery
• home design
• home repair
• housework
• reading
• writing
• crafting
• travel/sightseeing
• learn a language
• family history
• blogging
• journaling
• cross-stitch
• video games
• watching movies/tv shows
• quilting
• fashion
• party planning 
• hiking
• rock climbing
• martial arts/kickboxing
• model/dollhouse building
• film/make videos
• cycling
• weight-lifting
• swimming
• auto mechanics
• computer/technology stuff
• camping
• calligraphy
• aviation
• teaching
• hang-gliding
• volunteering
• activism - charities, politics, causes, etc.
• antiquing
• surfing
• scuba-diving
• ballooning
• learn a new instrument
• landscaping
• candle making
• art - collage, pastel, sculpture, abstract, etc.
• acting
• shooting
• hunting
• taxidermy
• floral arranging
• glass blowing
• stained glass
• story-telling
• study psychology
• chemistry
• astrology
• astronomy
• nutrition/diet science
• art history
• architecture
• boating/sailing
• racing
• roleplaying
• board gaming/ card games
• basket weaving
• collecting
• puzzles - word, picture, number, etc.
• play pool
• horseback riding

Do you have any hobbies to add to this list?

Nothin' Special

I feel like I need to have a cute story to tell or a principle that I've learned to talk about, if I'm going to post something. But I think it's important to me to try to keep up this habit of posting, so I should post even if I don't have anything special to talk about.

Today was a pretty normal day. We did some errands, I went to my therapy, Mitchell is at work right now. We did go to Mimi's Cafe for lunch, which was a nice break from routine. I also was able to take a nap, and that was really nice.

The kids never seem to want to go to sleep and keep staying up really late at night. I'm not sure what to do about that. Charlie and Annabelle have been a little extra cranky, so I'm wondering about ear infections since they have recently had colds.

All in all, life is simple, but good right now.

Having Fun

Today we got our tax return. It was kind of exciting to check our balance in the bank and find an extra thousand dollars that I wasn't expecting. We set about making sure that our various bills were payed and talking about what this money needed to be used for. But the best part of the day was when we went on a bit of a treasure hunt to pick out the perfect toys for the kids. Joseph has been asking, "Do we have money yet?" nearly every day for a week or two because he's had his mind on some toys he wants, so it was exciting to tell him that we do have money.

We were gone a long time today and did a lot of driving to find him something he really loved. We went to Toys R Us and searched the whole store. Then we drove to Walmart and searched that whole store. And we finally found the right thing. He got his very first LEGO set and it has "Luke with the green lightsaber" as well as Boba Fett and the Sarlac. Annabelle picked out a My Little Pony set. And we bought Charlie a Bouncy play center thing.

It's been awesome watching Joseph so fascinated with something that isn't a video game. He's been playing with the legos almost none stop since we brought them home. He even took Luke and Boba Fett to bed with him. And it's been fun to watch Mitchell and Joseph playing together. I never knew that legos were such a great father-son bonding activity. Annabelle and I were able to play ponies together, too.

I think that something I learned from today is how important it is to play with your kids, but to also try to find the things that they have a passion for. It's important to find those passions and nourish them now, so that they can grow and learn from those passions throughout their lives.

Frustrations

Today was a pretty hard day, well, at least the first half was. I didn't really feel like myself until after I had a nap in the afternoon. I was feeling extremely irritable and angry this morning, which led me to having a small breakdown. I spent a lot of time crying. It was pretty cute later when Joseph came and asked, "Are you done crying now?"

The weight of caring for three children has been feeling heavy on my shoulders this week. I've been making great strides in overcoming many of the causes for my anxiety as well as making changes to many of the patterns and things associated with OCD (I have a mild case of it). I think that I've been changing too fast, though, so that I lost a lot of the patterns, routines, and schedules that I use to anchor myself in times of stress. There has also been added stress because we don't have any way to support ourselves through the summer. Mitchell has been working really hard on his portfolio and applying to internships, while I have been filling out job applications for him. The added stress and worry over finances and the near future were just more than I could bear, so I just broke under the pressure this morning.

Charlie has also been making things more difficult. Charlie is normally a sweetheart and it makes caring for him a sweetheart. The past 2 weeks, however, Charlie has changed. He screams a lot and hardly ever sleeps. I am finally figuring out that he's been starving. He must be going through a growth spurt or something because all he wants to do is eat. My milk supply wasn't enough for him, so he was just always feeling so hungry. I started supplementing with formula, and, yesterday, I officially started him on solid food. He's already eating rice cereal and sweet potatoes. And he eats a lot, too.

The second half of today went well, and we had a good evening together. I'm hoping that this next week will go better than the past week has. I just need to be more patient with myself and allow myself to take baby steps. I can't become perfect through just a few days' hard work. As long as I remember that and I keep doing my best, I think things will continue to get better.

Museum Fun

The kids have been dying to go to the Dinosaur Museum aka BYU's Museum of Paleontology. We were going to take them on Friday, but got there right when the doors were locked, so we promised them we would go on Monday. They were pretty excited today and difficult to contain until we went to the museum. It's a really small museum, but the kids just kept running through it and discovering new things each time. They loved seeing the "baby" dinosaurs and touching different fossils. Annabelle liked standing on the stool to watch a guy working in the back. Joseph had fun finding the dinosaurs that are in Power Rangers. I was even able to get a little video of him saying the dinosaur names like the Power Rangers do, plus a bit of them just looking at things. 

It was a fun learning activity and way to spend time together as a family, which are both things we are trying to incorporate more into our life.

Desiring Motherhood

"Verily, verily, I say unto you, even as you desire of me so it shall be done unto you; and if you desire, you shall be the means of doing much good in this generation." D&C 11:8

It's taken me a little while to think about this as well as find the time to post. When I first read this verse, I knew it applied to how I have been feeling. I know that I need to have a desire to be a good mother. I also know that if I have the desire, I will be blessed to do much good in this world. My patriarchal blessing tells me that some of the greatest work I will do in my life will be done as I am striving to be a mother in Zion. Sometimes it's hard to find the desire, but when I do find it, I feel great about the things I do and the way I feel.

Today, Mitchell and I took the kids to the park and we had a really good talk. I was expressing frustration with knowing how to schedule my day and make time for all the things I feel I need to do. Through that talk, Mitchell helped me realize that all of the side goals and projects that I've been giving myself aren't important when compared with my role of motherhood. He told me that I need to give the kids my time and that will help me become a better mother, not completing tons of projects.

The hardest thing for me is waking up in the morning and remembering that I'm trying to be a mother, not a perfect housekeeper with perfect children. And it's hard remember why I want to be a mother when I'm woken by 3 kids clamoring for my attention. Instead of getting frustrated in that moment, I want to remember these faces and my desire to be the best mother that THEY need.

Prospering as a Family

"Do this thing which I have commanded you, and you shall prosper." D&C 9:13

With Mitchell in college, we are always struggling with money, especially since he hasn't been able to have a steady job since we moved to Utah. Financial problems are so stressful and difficult to handle. Sometimes, it's hard because I feel like most of my dreams and desires are pushed aside because we can't afford to do extra things. I keep wishing for the day when we will really have our own place and we can afford to buy the clothes and things that we need for the kids and ourselves. And, frequently, I get caught up in that wishing and I forget to focus on the present.

I've been studying my scriptures with the purpose of finding help and guidance in being a better mother. As I read that verse in Doctrine and Covenants, I felt it applied to me. I need to stop wishing for all the things that we don't have right now. I need to focus on my kids, on enjoying them, on teaching them, on loving them. If I can do that, if I can keep the Lord's commandment to be a nurturing, righteous mother, He will give us what we need to live happily.

Today we were able to go to Farm Country for our last day with Grammy Ellen. We were able to use some money given to us by family to pay for riding the FrontRunner to Lehi and visiting Farm Country. It was such an exciting experience for the kids to ride the train and they loved Farm Country just as much fun as they always have. They loved seeing the animals and riding the ponies. We were able to ride in a horse-drawn buggy this time, which was really cool and the kids' favorite part. It was a fun day and I'm so glad that I was able to spend it with my family.

New Blog Direction

"Therefore this is thy gift: apply unto it..." D&C 8:4

I've decided to take this blog in a more focused direction. One of my biggest struggles is feeling like I have purpose and knowing where to go with my life. During one of my therapy sessions, my therapist asked me what my ultimate goal was. I took my time to think about the question because it's such a big one, but I still knew it was the first thing that came to my mind: to be the best mom. My whole life, I wanted to be a wife and a mother. Now I am, but I take these blessings for granted too often. My therapist recommended that I keep this ultimate goal in mind when I am trying to figure out what to do with myself or I am getting stuck in the minute details of life. So I've decided to make this blog a way to chronicle my journey towards becoming  a better mother.

 These children are a gift from God and I want to cherish this gift.

Lots of Family

We had so much family here today! Mitchell's mom, Ellen, flew in last night and has been playing with the kids and making food and cleaning things. Mitchell's brother, Ross, flew in this morning. Ross and Mitchell have been having a great time hanging out again after such a long time apart. They have such an awesome relationship and it's just fun watching them talk and hang out together because of the way they are. Samantha, Athena, and Jason got here in the afternoon and we hung out with them. Then shortly after, Dad, Dena and Zachary got here. It was very full and very loud in our apartment, but also very fun. We watched funny videos, remembered funny stories, and hung out. We ate at Chuck-A-Rama for lunch. Even though the food really isn't that great, except the scones and honey butter, that place has so many wonderful memories for the Brugger family. After a long and fun lunch, we came back and hung out more. We also got to have a small guitar concert from Ross. Eventually, Dena, Samantha, Zachary, Athena, and I went to the mall. It was fun to have a girl (not including Zach) date. We walked around the mall and did some fun shopping. It was a great little break from my kids and just every day life. I love my family and I'm so glad that they are here. I forgot to get pictures, but I know that Ellen posted some on Facebook.

Lists

I've been going to therapy once a week and it's been helping me a lot. Everything that has happened combined with the treatment I am receiving has been making me much more introspective. I'm constantly having to stop and really THINK about why I'm acting the way I am. Today my therapist and I were talking about ways for me to overcome my compulsions to make lists and to focus only on minute details. She told me to throw away my lists. When she said that, I thought I might pass out. I'm already trying to write fewer lists and I deleted one off my computer when I came home. It was really difficult... and I wrote it out again a few hours later. I have so many lists for what I'm going to do each day and I choose which list to use based on a specific set of circumstances. But I frequently end up stressing myself out because the circumstances change or I don't feel like following a list or something throws me off what I'm doing and then I don't know what list to follow. I used to just make simple to-do lists, but sometime over the past years they began to rule my life instead of helping it. I feel like this is going to be one of  the most difficult obstacles I deal with in my life, and it's a bit scary, but I'm glad I have good help with working on it.

Blessing Charlie

Hey! We'll be blessing Charlie on March 3rd in our ward. We want to invite our family and friends to join us. Our Sacrament Meeting starts at 1:00 and is in the building on the corner of 600 W and 300 S. We will most likely be having some kind of gathering in the gym after Sacrament Meeting. I will have more details for you if you are able to come. We love you all!

Getting Better

Today was a bit better, so I have hope in the progress I am making. I needed a Xanax almost immediately after waking up. I get this feeling like I'm being stretched in too many directions and then I start to freak out a bit. The Xanax helps me to think rationally when I'm so overwhelmed like that. My awesome cousin Emily came and helped again today. She did my dishes, played with the kids, and let me take a nap again. I wish she could come every Monday and Wednesday. I had a lot more patience with the kids today. I was able to make them lunch and I made dinner by myself. We went through their bedtime routine and it went much better. Joseph was asleep by the time I was done singing and Annabelle was asleep within 5 minutes of me leaving the room. I was also able to go visiting teaching for the first time in several months. That felt so great. It feels good that I am getting back to being myself.

All Together Again

This weekend we went to Idaho and picked up the kids from my mom's. Yesterday, we drove home in that crazy weather, but we got home safe and sound. Today was the first full day of us being together as a family. Mitchell was at class from 7:30 until around 3-ish. I did a lot better today compared to how I did the first day we had Charlie home. It was still really hard and I was blessed to have my amazing, cousin Emily come help in the afternoon. She played with Joseph and Annabelle while I took a nap with Charlie. In the evening, we went to Sizzler for dinner as a family. It was pretty nice to be out all together. Right now, the kids are entirely fighting bedtime. So many weeks of constant upheaval have been very hard on them, so rules and routines are pretty much gone. It's going to take some time to get our lives back in order.

The Past Few Weeks...

The past few weeks have been difficult for us. I'm not ready to go into detail, but I do want to share the basics with my family. After going through several days of terrible nausea and anxiety attacks, I was admitted to the Psychiatric Ward in the hospital. That was Christmas night. I was there until the morning of New Year's Eve. I was put on a new antidepressant and given Xanax for anxiety attacks. That night, my mom took all 3 of the kids to Samantha's because I couldn't handle the chaos. They tried coming home on the 5th, but I still wasn't ready, so Joseph and Annabelle went to Idaho with my mom and Charlie went to Ogden with Samantha. I've spent the time resting and relaxing and trying to get back to myself. I've been doing a lot better this week and have been missing my kids a lot. We just got back from picking Charlie up in Ogden. I'll have time to get used to caring for him again before we pick up the other kids next week. Talking about the time leading up to my hospitalization is the most difficult thing for me now along with thinking to far into the future, but I'm mostly doing good now. I welcome text messages (757-353-7511) and visits, but phone calls are harder for me and I usually have to plan ahead for those. I'm grateful for the love, support, and prayers that I have received over the past few weeks.