Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Nothin' Special

I feel like I need to have a cute story to tell or a principle that I've learned to talk about, if I'm going to post something. But I think it's important to me to try to keep up this habit of posting, so I should post even if I don't have anything special to talk about.

Today was a pretty normal day. We did some errands, I went to my therapy, Mitchell is at work right now. We did go to Mimi's Cafe for lunch, which was a nice break from routine. I also was able to take a nap, and that was really nice.

The kids never seem to want to go to sleep and keep staying up really late at night. I'm not sure what to do about that. Charlie and Annabelle have been a little extra cranky, so I'm wondering about ear infections since they have recently had colds.

All in all, life is simple, but good right now.

Friday, April 26, 2013

Having Fun

Today we got our tax return. It was kind of exciting to check our balance in the bank and find an extra thousand dollars that I wasn't expecting. We set about making sure that our various bills were payed and talking about what this money needed to be used for. But the best part of the day was when we went on a bit of a treasure hunt to pick out the perfect toys for the kids. Joseph has been asking, "Do we have money yet?" nearly every day for a week or two because he's had his mind on some toys he wants, so it was exciting to tell him that we do have money.

We were gone a long time today and did a lot of driving to find him something he really loved. We went to Toys R Us and searched the whole store. Then we drove to Walmart and searched that whole store. And we finally found the right thing. He got his very first LEGO set and it has "Luke with the green lightsaber" as well as Boba Fett and the Sarlac. Annabelle picked out a My Little Pony set. And we bought Charlie a Bouncy play center thing.

It's been awesome watching Joseph so fascinated with something that isn't a video game. He's been playing with the legos almost none stop since we brought them home. He even took Luke and Boba Fett to bed with him. And it's been fun to watch Mitchell and Joseph playing together. I never knew that legos were such a great father-son bonding activity. Annabelle and I were able to play ponies together, too.

I think that something I learned from today is how important it is to play with your kids, but to also try to find the things that they have a passion for. It's important to find those passions and nourish them now, so that they can grow and learn from those passions throughout their lives.

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Frustrations

Today was a pretty hard day, well, at least the first half was. I didn't really feel like myself until after I had a nap in the afternoon. I was feeling extremely irritable and angry this morning, which led me to having a small breakdown. I spent a lot of time crying. It was pretty cute later when Joseph came and asked, "Are you done crying now?"

The weight of caring for three children has been feeling heavy on my shoulders this week. I've been making great strides in overcoming many of the causes for my anxiety as well as making changes to many of the patterns and things associated with OCD (I have a mild case of it). I think that I've been changing too fast, though, so that I lost a lot of the patterns, routines, and schedules that I use to anchor myself in times of stress. There has also been added stress because we don't have any way to support ourselves through the summer. Mitchell has been working really hard on his portfolio and applying to internships, while I have been filling out job applications for him. The added stress and worry over finances and the near future were just more than I could bear, so I just broke under the pressure this morning.

Charlie has also been making things more difficult. Charlie is normally a sweetheart and it makes caring for him a sweetheart. The past 2 weeks, however, Charlie has changed. He screams a lot and hardly ever sleeps. I am finally figuring out that he's been starving. He must be going through a growth spurt or something because all he wants to do is eat. My milk supply wasn't enough for him, so he was just always feeling so hungry. I started supplementing with formula, and, yesterday, I officially started him on solid food. He's already eating rice cereal and sweet potatoes. And he eats a lot, too.

The second half of today went well, and we had a good evening together. I'm hoping that this next week will go better than the past week has. I just need to be more patient with myself and allow myself to take baby steps. I can't become perfect through just a few days' hard work. As long as I remember that and I keep doing my best, I think things will continue to get better.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Museum Fun

The kids have been dying to go to the Dinosaur Museum aka BYU's Museum of Paleontology. We were going to take them on Friday, but got there right when the doors were locked, so we promised them we would go on Monday. They were pretty excited today and difficult to contain until we went to the museum. It's a really small museum, but the kids just kept running through it and discovering new things each time. They loved seeing the "baby" dinosaurs and touching different fossils. Annabelle liked standing on the stool to watch a guy working in the back. Joseph had fun finding the dinosaurs that are in Power Rangers. I was even able to get a little video of him saying the dinosaur names like the Power Rangers do, plus a bit of them just looking at things. 

It was a fun learning activity and way to spend time together as a family, which are both things we are trying to incorporate more into our life.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Desiring Motherhood

"Verily, verily, I say unto you, even as you desire of me so it shall be done unto you; and if you desire, you shall be the means of doing much good in this generation." D&C 11:8
It's taken me a little while to think about this as well as find the time to post. When I first read this verse, I knew it applied to how I have been feeling. I know that I need to have a desire to be a good mother. I also know that if I have the desire, I will be blessed to do much good in this world. My patriarchal blessing tells me that some of the greatest work I will do in my life will be done as I am striving to be a mother in Zion. Sometimes it's hard to find the desire, but when I do find it, I feel great about the things I do and the way I feel.

Today, Mitchell and I took the kids to the park and we had a really good talk. I was expressing frustration with knowing how to schedule my day and make time for all the things I feel I need to do. Through that talk, Mitchell helped me realize that all of the side goals and projects that I've been giving myself aren't important when compared with my role of motherhood. He told me that I need to give the kids my time and that will help me become a better mother, not completing tons of projects.

The hardest thing for me is waking up in the morning and remembering that I'm trying to be a mother, not a perfect housekeeper with perfect children. And it's hard remember why I want to be a mother when I'm woken by 3 kids clamoring for my attention. Instead of getting frustrated in that moment, I want to remember these faces and my desire to be the best mother that THEY need.