Stress

Today was stressful. I'm trying to be patient because I know it's going to be stressful until we have things worked out. I just pray that we can find peace through the stress.

Off-Day

Today was an "off" day for me. I just felt moody and frustrated most of the day. I've been working really hard to be patient with myself, and with the Lord's plan, as we try to figure out what to do. We haven't had much come up in the way of work yet. Mitchell is on his last week/paycheck for the freelance indie game he's been working on. He has been asked to do some illustrations for a friend, so that will be great. But that's all. The only time someone seems interested in hiring me, it would cost more to work there than I'd be getting paid! So we keep applying and keep praying and something will happen when it's time.

On the good side, Joseph has been doing well in school. He's going to a martial arts class several times a week, and it's really helping him with his focus, respect, and discipline, as well as getting energy out. We had a great family home evening with a good lesson and a fun activity. I'm also getting really involved in Joseph's school, so that should be fun.

Anxiety

I am SO nervous about starting a new job. I talked to my new boss, Jeff, yesterday, and we decided to have me start next week on Thursday. We postponed because we've got some fun stuff going on for Joseph next week (KinderCamp!). So now I have a week until my job starts, which leaves A LOT of time for me to build up anxiety.

Today, my chest was tight most of the time. Several times, I was close to tears and/or hyperventilating. I've also been sick to my stomach, but I guess it's good that I'm not eating as much? I hate that I feel like this, but it's been something I've dealt with for so many years. I specifically remember feeling like this before attending my first Stake Dance, but I had no idea why I felt so bad.

I don't want to take medication, though, at least not during the day when I need to do stuff. It took me most of the day to just figure out what I needed to do because my brain was working so slow, but I was able to get some good stuff done. My biggest accomplishment was starting a Scripture Journal. I've been feeling prompted to learn more about the Law of Sacrifice, so I decided to start a journal to keep track of what I learn. I'm going to blog more about the journal on my other blog, Searching for a Hobby. Studying about sacrifice has really helped me to feel more comfortable with the idea of working a new job; I'm realizing that I need to make some sacrifices to help my family progress and grow.

I looked over our budget today, and that REALLY helped strengthen my resolve to work. We are in a huge financial hole right now, but if I can work while Mitchell gets freelance work, we might be able to start digging ourselves out.