Getting Better

Today was a bit better, so I have hope in the progress I am making. I needed a Xanax almost immediately after waking up. I get this feeling like I'm being stretched in too many directions and then I start to freak out a bit. The Xanax helps me to think rationally when I'm so overwhelmed like that. My awesome cousin Emily came and helped again today. She did my dishes, played with the kids, and let me take a nap again. I wish she could come every Monday and Wednesday. I had a lot more patience with the kids today. I was able to make them lunch and I made dinner by myself. We went through their bedtime routine and it went much better. Joseph was asleep by the time I was done singing and Annabelle was asleep within 5 minutes of me leaving the room. I was also able to go visiting teaching for the first time in several months. That felt so great. It feels good that I am getting back to being myself.

All Together Again

This weekend we went to Idaho and picked up the kids from my mom's. Yesterday, we drove home in that crazy weather, but we got home safe and sound. Today was the first full day of us being together as a family. Mitchell was at class from 7:30 until around 3-ish. I did a lot better today compared to how I did the first day we had Charlie home. It was still really hard and I was blessed to have my amazing, cousin Emily come help in the afternoon. She played with Joseph and Annabelle while I took a nap with Charlie. In the evening, we went to Sizzler for dinner as a family. It was pretty nice to be out all together. Right now, the kids are entirely fighting bedtime. So many weeks of constant upheaval have been very hard on them, so rules and routines are pretty much gone. It's going to take some time to get our lives back in order.

The Past Few Weeks...

The past few weeks have been difficult for us. I'm not ready to go into detail, but I do want to share the basics with my family. After going through several days of terrible nausea and anxiety attacks, I was admitted to the Psychiatric Ward in the hospital. That was Christmas night. I was there until the morning of New Year's Eve. I was put on a new antidepressant and given Xanax for anxiety attacks. That night, my mom took all 3 of the kids to Samantha's because I couldn't handle the chaos. They tried coming home on the 5th, but I still wasn't ready, so Joseph and Annabelle went to Idaho with my mom and Charlie went to Ogden with Samantha. I've spent the time resting and relaxing and trying to get back to myself. I've been doing a lot better this week and have been missing my kids a lot. We just got back from picking Charlie up in Ogden. I'll have time to get used to caring for him again before we pick up the other kids next week. Talking about the time leading up to my hospitalization is the most difficult thing for me now along with thinking to far into the future, but I'm mostly doing good now. I welcome text messages (757-353-7511) and visits, but phone calls are harder for me and I usually have to plan ahead for those. I'm grateful for the love, support, and prayers that I have received over the past few weeks.