Missing Church

It's been nearly a month since I've been to church. Every Sunday, either the kids are sick or I am. I'm so ready for all of this illness to leave our home. I've been working hard on getting things cleaner, but I don't know if it's doing much good. I just really want to be well enough to go to church next Sunday.

Red Ribbon Week

It's Red Ribbon Week, and Joseph's school is having them wear silly stuff each day. Yesterday, he wore his shirt backwards. Today was crazy sock day. I pulled out my Halloween socks, but he didn't want to pick just one pair, so he came up with the idea to where one of each. It was early, so the 

light was poor, but I got a picture before we had to run out to the bus.

Crazy, Sick Kids

It has been a crazy month for our family health-wise. Mitchell had to take Joseph to the ER at the beginning of the month while I was out of town, and Joseph had some pretty bad bronchitis. He had to take antibiotics, use an inhaler and a nebulizer, and it was all pretty crazy. He is still coughing regularly, so we have to use the inhaler sometimes before school.

Annabelle and Mitchell had the same respiratory infection that started Joseph's bronchitis. And Charlie and I caught it once we were back in town. There was lots of coughing and a bit of misery for the first part of the month. Charlie is still coughing pretty badly and I'm still coughing a bit.

On Thursday, I noticed Charlie's eye looked pink and there was a lot of goop in the corners. Annabelle's 4 year well-check was the next morning, so I just had him seen at the same time. The doctor checked his lungs and his eye, but he seemed to be just fine.

Friday evening, while I was making dinner, Charlie threw up all over the little, neighbor girl, Janina, while she was playing at our house. I stripped him down and took his temperature, but he was asleep before I even finished. His temp was just around 100 degrees, so I didn't think it was a big deal. He slept on my bed for about an hour and a half. When he woke up, he was burning up, so I took his temp again and it had risen to 102.5 degrees. He seemed pretty lethargic and delirious, so I was initially very worried. I was about to take him to the ER, but I felt like I should clean him up first and try to cool him down a bit. We spent about 40 minutes in the shower, just sitting in the water, until we ran out of hot water. I kept asking him if he wanted to get out and lay in the bed, but he would just say, "uh-uh." He just laid in my lap with his eyes closed and swished his hand in the water. When we were finally out of hot water, I got him out, dried him off, and dressed him. And his fever was WAY down. He was also talking to me normally, telling me he was hungry and asking for drinks. He had apple juice and watched PBS with the kids until really late. Annabelle came into the room crying shortly after the shower because her ear was hurting. I gave her ibuprofen and a heating pad to rest on. Sometime while watching PBS, and I was washing the dishes from dinner, Charlie threw up just a little bit on the floor next to my bed. But by the time Mitchell got home from work, around 10:30, Charlie was jumping on the bed and playing as if nothing had happened. He slept on the floor next to me that night, and kept me up with his coughing. I kept thinking he was going to throw up again, but he just had so much drainage running down his throat that he was trying to cough up. He didn't even wake up for any of his coughing fits!

I had planned on taking the kids to Boo at the Zoo Saturday morning, but after the evening's ordeal, I figured that wasn't a good idea. But then all the kids seemed just fine! They played and did all their normal stuff. I figured they were all feeling better, so I started trying to get everything ready for church the next day. I let Charlie sleep next to me again, and he was coughing most of the night again. Joseph was also coughing a lot during the night, and Annabelle needed more ibuprofen for her ear.

By morning, I just felt like I should give them a little longer to get better, so Mitchell went to church without us. When Charlie got up, I noticed a patch of red bug bites on his ankle. I figured he'd rolled on a spider or something on my floor because our house is full of bugs. When Annabelle woke up, we noticed one of her eyes was pink looking. And she had a runny nose and cough. When I went to change Charlie's diaper, I found patches of the "bug bites" all over his body, and that's when I realized they were hives. He had them all over and was scratching a lot, so I gave him some Benadryl. He was also getting warm again, so Mitchell had me give him some Tylenol. About 2 hours after the Tylenol, his temp was around 100.2 degrees, so I wonder what it would have been if we hadn't given him the Tylenol. The rest of the day went fine, but at bedtime, Joseph kept saying he was itchy. I checked and he was covered with patches of hives, too! I gave him Benadryl before bed, and Annabelle needed ibuprofen again.

This morning, Joseph's hives were gone, but Charlie still had his and Annabelle had some. At 9 am, I called the doctor's office and made an appointment for all three of them. I was worried about Joseph being contagious because of the hives/rash being on all three kids, so I had him pulled out of class to wait in the nurse's office until I could get there.

They were extremely ill-behaved at the doctor's office. I couldn't believe how rowdy, loud, and disrespectful they were being! I spent the whole appointment trying to keep them under control (and failing) while trying to answer all the doctor's and nurse's questions. After looking at them, the doctor told me they all had ear infections, and Joseph had fluid in BOTH of his ears. That would also explain a lot of the other stuff going on. It's possible to get hives from viruses, so we are thinking that is what is causing their hives. They are going to all be on antibiotics, plus we are getting eye drops for the pink eye. I was instructed to continue with the inhaler for Joseph as needed, and to use Benadryl for the hives, as needed.

Right now, Joseph and Charlie are playing out on the front porch --it's 85 degrees today!-- and Annabelle is sleeping after a dose of Benadryl. I just wish all three of them were sleeping so that I could, too! The past few days have been exhausting!

4th Birthday Interview

I'm trying to start a tradition where I interview the kids each year when they have their birthday. I've only done it with Annabelle so far, and this is her second year. I made these videos the day after her birthday. Once we are able to get some printer ink, I'll print out a cute form to put her answers on as well as her hand print and a picture.

Annabelle is 4!

Annabelle's birthday was this Wednesday. She had a pretty fun and special day. She received generous amounts of money from some family members, which we were able to use to get her presents and things. She started out the day nice and early, opening her the presents we'd gotten her before Joseph got on the bus. She got the Little People Disney Princess Klip Klop Stable and Klip Klop Ariel.

She and Charlie played with the Little People set for a long time. We finally got them dressed and ready, and we headed out for the day. We went to Walmart where she bought an Elsa dress, which she'd been wanting for quite a while. Then we drove up to the mall. We browsed the Disney Store for a long time before she settled on Elsa and Anna dolls. We found her an Olaf at this awesome store called 2nd and Charles, it's like FYE on crack. We went to McDonald's for lunch, her pick, and Amber came to meet us there. She and Charlie spent a long time playing on the playground, and she got a nice cream to finish off her Happy Meal. We finally went home and she got to watch Frozen with her new dolls.

Soon, we got 3 boxes in the mail, 2 of which were for her! She opened her box from Grammy Ellis while Grammy was on FaceTime. She got lots of beautiful clothes and a pair of pretty Sunday shoes that she says are Elsa shoes. She put the polka-dotted pajamas on and wore them for over 24 hours.

After Joseph was home, we opened the other box from Grandpa and Grandma Brugger. She got Elsa slippers, two more Klip Klop Princesses, and lots of Color Wonder drawing stuff. She also got a much needed pack of panties. She spent almost the rest of the evening coloring with her new stuff. I was so tired from all the activity, plus I caught a respiratory virus, so I went to lay down. Her neighbor friend, Janina, came to play, and they colored, watched Frozen twice more, and just had too much fun while I was resting. Her dinner request was pizza, so we got a Papa John's pizza and breadsticks.she barely ate half her dinner before passing out in bed with her new dolls.

Annabelle's 4th Birthday Party

We had Annabelle's birthday party on Saturday. Mitchell had to work, so he wasn't able to be there, but we had a few guests there. Annabelle's friend, Alaina, the neighbor girl, Janina, Grandpa Ellis, Grandma Sally, and Aunt Cami were all at the party. Sadly, I was so busy wrangling kids that I didn't get very many pictures.

This is her opening her present from Grandpa, Sally, and Cami. It was the DVD of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.

This is the dessert table. I made candied apples with white chocolate dyed green to look like the poison apple from the movie. There were miniature berry and cherry pies. And the apple cake. I wish I'd had the chance to get a better picture of the cake because it was really cute.

This was the food table. We had chicken and dumplings, which was Annabelle's request, as well as an apple-walnut salad with a red wine vinaigrette, mini baguettes, and fruit.

This was the drink table, with water, apple Izze, and apple juice for the kids.

Annabelle, Janina, and Charlie loved watching Snow White. You can see Annabelle's huge smile because she enjoyed the movie so much.

I'm glad everything went pretty well. I was a little too ambitious (again...) and had planned to do way more stuff, but I ran out of time. It was fun for Annabelle, though. and that's what was most important.

 

Great Blessings

I just want to say that I am grateful for all of the love, support, and blessings that we have been receiving the last few months. Our ward has reached out and cared for us in so many ways. And Heavenly Father has given me the hope and faith that things will get better soon.

Scary Charlie

It's just me and Charlie awake now that Joseph is at school. After Joseph got on the bus, we came inside. I walked down the hallway to tell Mitchell something, even though he was mostly asleep. It's pretty dark, quiet, and cozy in the house right now. As I walked back down the hallway to find Charlie, he jumped out behind me from the hallway bathroom and yelled. I screamed and laughed at the same time. How is this little guy old enough to know how to scare people?

Laundry

I washed a load of laundry by hand today. I filled up my tub, soaked the clothes about an hour, then rinsed and wrung out each piece of clothing. I think the second part took me well over an hour. And my muscles were aching so bad! While I was doing it, I kept thinking about my pioneer ancestors, and how things like that were just the way life was, and how I'm so soft compared to them. I also really wanted to watch Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, since Charlie's mom is a laundry woman. Another thing I was thinking as I was washing was that I didn't put any of Joseph's pants in that load, and he had NO clean ones. I didn't think I'd have the stamina to do another load. While Mitchell was hanging the laundry to dry for me, Amber came over and offered to take the wet ones home to dry and the pants to wash. Her visit was an answer to my prayers!

Stress

Today was stressful. I'm trying to be patient because I know it's going to be stressful until we have things worked out. I just pray that we can find peace through the stress.

Craziness

Everything has been so crazy in our lives lately.

Last week, we decided to take one last trip to visit Mitchell's family in Virginia before our move to Texas. Late at night, smack-dab in the middle of Richmond, our car died. Thankfully, Mitchell's mom was driving through Richmond at the same time, so she was able to come pick the kids up. We were able to arrange with USAA to have the car towed to a nearby, reputable repair shop. There was a motel close enough for Mitchell and me to walk to and get a room for the night. In the morning, we found out that our engine was broken, rendering the car useless. So Mitchell's brothers, Grant and Ross, were able to pick us up and take us to their brother, Sam's, house where the kids were.

We arranged for my cousin, Amber, to overnight the title to our car so that we could sell it to a junkyard. And we were able to relax for a week in a small town in Virginia. The kids had the best time with their cousins, and spent hours outside every day. It was so great to kind of get away from all the stress of regular life. On Friday, Ross drove Mitchell back to Richmond, where Mitch was able to sell our poor, little car for $300. On Monday night, his mom took him to get a rental car, and we left very early Tuesday morning. We were able to use the car for less than 24 hours, which made it a lot cheaper, and the price was completely covered with the money we got from junking our car.

While in Virginia, we spent a lot of time pondering, praying, and discussing our situation. We came to the conclusion that Heavenly Father wants us in Georgia for a while longer, so we have decided not to move to Texas. Even though this seems like a very difficult path, as soon as we made the decision, my heart felt so light that I thought I would float away. I know that Heavenly Father is going to bless us to find a way to make things work.

Mitchell has already started applying to pretty much every job within walking distance. We walked to Walgreen's to get some milk and juice, which is 2-miles roundtrip. We have been working closely with several members of our ward, including the Bishop and members of both the Elder's Quorum and Relief Society. We are going to find ways to coordinate rides to grocery stores, places to do laundry, and maybe help getting a bike and/or wagon. We feel so blessed right now as we are learning to stand on our own feet for the first time ever.

Moving, Again.

We are moving again. My dad and Dena have graciously offered to get us a moving truck and let us live with them in Allen. This is a major blessing because we are totally out of money, the only reason we have money in our bank account right now is because we got birthday checks. And we've almost maxed out our credit card trying to stay in Atlanta to find work. It's going to be a big change for everyone, but we are excited to get to spend more time with my dad and family.

Family Night

For FHE, we talked about how Heavenly Father is the King of everything and, since we are His children, we are princes and princesses. And when our spirits "grow up," we can be like him. So then we decorated crowns that said "I am a Child of GOD."

People in my family like to make cool faces...

Sunday Dinner

We had the missionaries over for dinner today. We've been having them over a lot lately. We are one of the families in the ward closer to their area, and we like their company. Their names are Elder Harding and Elder Luckhoo, and they are both fun guys to talk with. We had a fun conversation about Harry Potter, movies, and all that stuff. We used to always have people over for dinner in Utah, so it's been lonely here because we weren't able to do that for a while. I'm glad we have food stamps, and generous ward members, so that we can share our time and dinner with the elders.

Good Stuff

I had a great birthday yesterday, but I'll have to elaborate later because Mitchell and I are in the middle of an "at-home" date. I just had to take a break to send the content for the RS Newsletter that I work on, and I didn't want to take a hit for not blogging today.

Stressed

I'm feeling extremely overwhelmed and stressed tonight. It sucks also because tomorrow is my birthday, but I'll probably have to spend the whole day at the laundromat, which is probably my least favorite place in the world. I need to stop complaining, but I just felt like I needed to blog tonight. Maybe if I get a good night's sleep, I'll feel better by morning.

The Good and Bad.

The last few days have been pretty crazy. Last week, I had some kind of virus. I'm pretty sure it was the flu because of the severity of the symptoms and how quickly it went away, but Mitchell says it was a cold. Pretty much everyone else got it, but I had it the worst. And then I threw out my back on Sunday morning, and it's been slowly healing since then. So I've been barely doing the minimum requirements to get my family by.

The best things that have happened were being brought groceries from ward members both yesterday and today. We've also received clothes and a gift card. It has been so amazing how much help we have been receiving from our amazing ward. We also FINALLY got our food stamps card in the mail. And we got an Amazon gift card from our credit card rewards that we are using to get some of those more expensive home supplies like A/C filters and printer ink.

So I guess the point of this all is that there are always great blessings even when it seems like things suck.

Oh, and it was Mitchell's 30th birthday last week. It was fun!

Debating

I have trouble focusing on multiple big projects because I prefer to put all my energy into one project at a time. Lately, I've been struggling between job hunting and home organization. We need some kind of income, which is why I've been trying to spend time looking for jobs, but I'm starting to feel pretty discouraged. My house is also in complete chaos because I just haven't had time and/or energy to take care of everything.

Part of me is feeling like I have to make a decision between the two options. This thought especially came up yesterday when I started brainstorming what I thought was an amazing idea, but now I'm just worried it's too complicated. I joined a website that helps you with service-type business with a pet care service. I was pretty excited thinking I could start pet sitting and dog-walking, and then I was thinking about eventually expanding to party planning, decorating, and other interests. But then I found out you have to pay to send quotes to the different job ads. So I lost my momentum...

I just don't know if I should continue to try dividing my attention, or if I should focus on one thing at a time. And should I try to pursue this pet business idea through different avenues? I don't know... Why do I have to be so indecisive?!

Off Duty

You know those nights when you just can't handle anymore? That was me tonight. At around 8:45, I announced to the house that I was "off duty" and would not be doing anymore responsible things. I managed to convince myself to wash my makeup off and brush my teeth. I even managed to read a couple pages from the Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith for my gospel study. And I'm only blogging because I needed to rant a little bit. And, I've been having a lot of abdominal pain, which I'm sure is contributing to my crankiness.

Off-Day

Today was an "off" day for me. I just felt moody and frustrated most of the day. I've been working really hard to be patient with myself, and with the Lord's plan, as we try to figure out what to do. We haven't had much come up in the way of work yet. Mitchell is on his last week/paycheck for the freelance indie game he's been working on. He has been asked to do some illustrations for a friend, so that will be great. But that's all. The only time someone seems interested in hiring me, it would cost more to work there than I'd be getting paid! So we keep applying and keep praying and something will happen when it's time.

On the good side, Joseph has been doing well in school. He's going to a martial arts class several times a week, and it's really helping him with his focus, respect, and discipline, as well as getting energy out. We had a great family home evening with a good lesson and a fun activity. I'm also getting really involved in Joseph's school, so that should be fun.

Charlie's Words

Today, I'm going to try to keep a running list of all the words that I hear Charlie say, and what they mean.
The ones with the star are words he learned today; he's at the point now where he will repeat a lot of what we say, so his vocabulary is growing really quickly.

"ah bee-bee" = one of the things he calls himself
apple = used to refer to all round-ish fruits
"back-back" = backpack
"bah guy" = anyone who looks "bad" to him or who fights good guys, usually said kind of growl-y
"bah-bah" or "bah-boo" or just "bah" = bottle
*"bayn-bow" = rainbow
ball
"bay-nkie" = blanket
"bay-ps" = grapes
"beh-gs" = eggs
"bi-pahd" = iPad
"bi-per" = diaper
"bi-psh" = wipes
bite
"boe-ch" or "woe-ch" = roach, 'cause we have had a lot of them here...
"Boh" = Annabelle
"boke" = broken
book
"boop" = poop
"doe-sh" = toes
bug
*"bum" = plum
*"bunchies" = Honey Bunches of Oats, he learned this from Annabelle
"Dah" or Daddy = Mitchell
"daht dog" = hot dog
"day doo" = thank you
*"dee-yahs" = tortillas
"dhoys" = toys
"dosh" = trash
hey
Mama or Mommy
"Maht-mahn" = Joseph, Batman, himself, or all other "good guys"/superheroes, depending on context
money
"nah" = banana, which is his favorite food
"nigh-night"
oh
on
ugh = usually growled in frustration
"unh-unh" = usually the only way he says "no", although he will say it occasionally
uh-oh
"yite" or "wite" = light


In addition to his words, he growls and grunts a lot, but it's all on purpose because he's being a monster or a bad guy or something like that. He can make several different animal sounds. He also has a few different "stage" laughs, depending on how silly he wants to be or what's going on. And he has a full range of sound effects, from guns to lightsabers. He can also sing "Twinkle, Twinkle," the "Imperial March," and the Tim Burton "Batman Theme" well enough that they are recognizable.

As I've been compiling this list all day, I'm kind of amazed by the number of words he knows; this is a list of mostly what he said today, so there are many more words that he has in his vocabulary. I'm just so amazed by how intelligent and "mature" this little guy can be!

Striving

The past two months have been very stressful. It's been so hard trying to find our path amid all the adversity that is in front of us. But, as I contemplate how much I have changed in the past two months, I have to be grateful for these trials. 

This is the first time in years that I have felt this close to my Father in Heaven. I am striving daily to be worthy of His spirit so that I can be guided. I have been humbled; I know that we can't do this on our own, so we've been turning to others for help. I am also more willing to sacrifice for the greater good, even if it's just staying up until midnight to get the kitchen clean so that the roaches don't get bad again. 

I'm grateful for the help that we have received from family, friends, our ward family, and even acquaintances. We are truly being blessed by the Lord each day as we try our best to do His will. I know that, in His own time, we will be able to find the work we need and we will be able to provide for ourselves. And I know that while we are working towards that goal, we will grow to become more like the disciples that He would have us be.

Battle of the Roaches

We've been waging an all-out battle this week against the cockroaches that have infested our kitchen. We completely emptied the kitchen out and used THREE foggers, one on Monday and two on Wednesday. We spent yesterday afternoon sweeping up all the dead roaches and spraying all the ones that were still alive. We spent all day today cleaning the kitchen and putting everything back in very orderly. It made me happy all afternoon to look at my kitchen because it finally feels like we "moved in" to it.

That happiness has been short lived, however. We are continuously finding more roaches in there. We used all the foggers the landlord gave us, sprayed nearly the entire kitchen, and put boric acid down anywhere the roaches would be and the kids wouldn't. So why are there still so many roaches?! And what are we supposed to do now? The landlord just keeps saying we need to spray more, but we can't spray INSIDE of the walls and countertops and cabinet crannies in which these roaches are hiding. My frustration was doubled when I found two adult roaches in our dining room cabinet where I keep all my favorite books and special items.

I think we're losing the war...

Too Much On My Plate

Today was a hard day for me. I feel like I just have a lot going on right now.

The "Bad" Things:

I didn't here back about the job at Veritas, Inc.

We bug bombed our kitchen yesterday, but the infestation is so bad that we have to do it again tomorrow.

I haven't had any use of my kitchen for about 36 hours, so we've had to eat out a lot even though we're completely broke.

We don't know how we're going to pay our rent for September, but we can't move anywhere else because we can't pay a deposit. 

I think I have a UTI. 

I'm having my period for the second time in 2 weeks because I had to stop my birth control pills prematurely; they were making me feel "morning sick" all the time.

The "Good" Things:

I had a job interview at a different PetSmart. They seemed really interested in me.

Joseph is starting Kindergarten tomorrow! And we have all his stuff ready for him.

We've been the recipients of many charitable acts over the past month.

Our landlord is providing all the supplies to take care of our roach problem.

I'm hoping and praying really hard that everything evens out soon.

Annabelle's Prayer

I helped Annabelle say a personal prayer before she went to bed. She asked for help, but she didn't need too much prompting. It went something like this:

"Father in Heaven...."
"Thank..."
"Thank you for the day. Thank you for cleaning our room. Thank you that I can be with my mom and dad forever. Thank you for the missionaries coming over two days."
"Please..."
"Please bless it."
"Please help.."
"Please help me to be a good girl to my mom. Please help Charlie to be good to mom, too. Please help Joseph to play his video games when he cleans his room. Please........................... okay, that's all. Amen."
"You have to say 'In the name of Jesus Christ.'"
"In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen."

I might have forgotten a few things she said because it was a pretty long prayer. But it was just so cute! And I'm glad she's learning things in Primary and Family Home Evening.

Yesterday's Interview

So, I'm going to give a few more details about the interviews that I've been doing. The company is called Veritas, Inc., and it happens to be the suite next door to Bento Box Entertainment, where Mitchell was working. It is a marketing company that contracts with AT&T. I was surprised when I got the call because I didn't remember applying to the company, and I later found out that CareerBuilder applied for me. I was intrigued because they offer training in business management, but it's paid. The HR Manager liked me at my first interview, so she had me come back the next day for a second interview. They do their second interviews a little differently than most people would imagine. I went in at 9:30 yesterday morning and spent the next 8 hours shadowing one of their trainers. Her name was Sarah, and we got along with each other really well, which was great. We drove out to Stockbridge and then we just went from business to business. Technically, it's a sales job., at least for the first few years. You get a list of leads, and they are all companies who have, or have had, AT&T. You go to their business and make sure they have been switched over from DSL to the new fiber optics internet. If they don't have AT&T anymore, you try to show them that AT&T is cheaper than what they have. Being with her the whole day, I was able to see all the different responses. She saved the first guy over $150 by switching him over. There were some people who just needed their equipment updated, so she sends a request in for them. Some people either weren't in charge of the internet bills, or they pretended that they didn't speak English. And some people said they hated AT&T and didn't want to talk to us. It made me wonder if that's what it's like to be on a mission... I've always been afraid of "sales" because I didn't feel like it was something I could do, but I felt comfortable with this. It really just felt like we were just getting to know people and trying to help them out. Sarah thought I did really well, and told the CEO, Ed, that I was great at talking to the customers. I had an interview with him at the end of the day, and he really seemed to like me, too. The position starts as sales, and you work to progress from Entry Level, to Leader/Trainer, to Assistant Manager, and then to Manager. It's about 50 hours a week, which is really intimidating. That's how much Mitchell was working and it seemed like he was always gone. The second phase is entirely commissioned-based pay, and you're required to make at least $500 a week, but she said the average is around $800 a week. Sarah has been with the company about 2 years and is just about to become an Assistant Manager, so that's an idea of how quickly you can progress. Towards the end of the day, she did mention an administrative position that she felt would be good for me and she was going to mention that to Ed when she talked with him about my performance. I should get a call Monday or Tuesday to find out if they want to hire me. I'm excited because I think it would be an amazing opportunity for growth and learning, but I'm a little scared as well.

Fried Brain

That's how my mind feels right now, fried. I just finished redoing my resume and cover letter so that they are both PDFs and small enough to upload to different websites. It took a lot of thought, and some help from Mitchell, but I finally got it taken care of. Now I can apply to jobs more easily, and my resume better reflects my skills and experience, so maybe someone will want to hire me now!

My brain is also fried because I'm worrying A LOT. We are still at a point where we have no idea what's going to happen at the end of August. Today we confirmed with our landlord that we are planning to move out. But we don't have plans to move anywhere. It's all just very scary and frustrating. It's definitely a trial of my faith and my patience, but I feel more spiritually in-tune than I've felt in a very long time, so I'm grateful for that.

A Day to Relax

I sort of took the day off today. I've been doing so many important things as well as a lot if housework this week, so I had earned a lot of gold on HabitRPG. I did use the morning to find out what stage our Food Stamps application is in, and to go over the budget for July and begin August's budget. We went to Kroger and got some WIC things. Then we decided to treat ourselves to Zaxby's for lunch. Sometimes it's just nice to do something a little special. I took a nice, long nap with Charlie after lunch. And we had breakfast for dinner with scrambled eggs, homemade turkey sausage, and Peanut-Butter-and-Banana pancakes. I did clean up the kitchen completely, and I put in two more job applications. So I didn't waste the day, I enjoyed it. 

We have a little hope right now with the freelance job Mitchell has been working on. If the game is picked up to be developed, he will have full-time employment with them. I'll be praying really hard for this, but I'm always keeping in mind that we follow whatever path The Lord shows to us.

Busy, Busy

Today was one of those exhausting days where my whole body Is aching by the end of it. But I did so many good things! 

I got a bunch of organizing done in my living room and dining room, which I'm not going to describe here because there's a whole post about it on my other blog. 

We went to the WIC office to pick up our next set of checks, then we went to Kroger to get a few things. 

I've decided to do research into subjects I'm curious about studying in school, so I've been doing my own history study, starting with the Paleolithic era. I read a few articles about Paleolithic art, and I watched a couple PBS documentaries about Neanderthals while I was making dinner and cleaning up afterwards.

I made chili and cornbread for dinner, but doubled the chili recipe because we were feeding the Elders. It was a bit hectic getting all the food ready, setting up tables and chairs, and serving everybody. It was because in addition to those basic tasks, there were a few other things adding to the chaos. It was pouring rain, so Mitchell opened the door for the cool air to come in, but Annabelle and Charlie went and played in it, and Annabelle was so wet that I had to help her change. The AC was turned off since the door was open, but it was like 85 degrees inside, so I was trying to set up the fan to help everyone keep cool. The kids were hungry, so they were whiny. AND, I wanted to be able to keep up with the conversation. It was all fun, though, and I'm really glad we were able to feed them. 

I'm really grateful that today was so busy. It's nice to prove to myself that I am capable of completing several projects as well as multitasking; sometimes I'm too hard on myself, and sometimes I just have bad days. But today was real-life proof that I am capable of the jobs I've been applying for!

Job Interview #2

I had another job interview today; it was at a PetSmart for a Bather position in the grooming salon. I was pretty excited about this interview, just because I love animals and I've missed having them in my life. I got myself all pretty and put on my "interview" pants, which are really just the only pair of slacks that I own. 

I really don't know how well the interview went. I felt very calm and confident in myself, but I really don't know if I am what they want. I was very honest and open from the beginning; when he asked me to tell him about myself, the first thing I said was "I'm a mother of three children." The interviewer seemed disappointed that I have zero retail experience. He kept asking me different "scenario" questions that I was supposed to answer with what I've done in the past, but most of them I've never really dealt with in a work environment. I didn't say that, though! I would just answer with what I would try to do, or even expect others to do in that situation. He asked me if I'd ever multiple-tasked before and I responded by (not sarcastically) saying that I do every day because I have three kids. I'm pretty sure this guy doesn't have any experience with kids. When he asked me about working with animals, and brought up crickets, I let him know that I'm terrified of them, almost at a phobia level, but said that I'd work past it if I was required to. I really don't think that I could have done any better at the interview, it's just really in their hands now.

Still Thinking

I've been continuing to look into schools and such. I found that I could possibly get an Associate's Degree at Chattahoochee Technical College, which is here in Marietta. That's the cheapest option of course, but that's the only cheap option in Georgia; BYU is significantly cheaper than any 4-year colleges around here. And, to be honest, I really just want to go to BYU. I love the atmosphere there, and I love having the Gospel integrated into all my classes. 

Right now, it seems I'm the only one focused on school; most of the advice I keep hearing is to wait until the kids are older. While this isn't what I want, and I'm not even sure it's right for me at this time, I've decided not to push things. I'm going to continue my "journey" of self-discovery, so that when the times comes, I'll know the direction that I want to go in.

My plan for the next few weeks is to prepare my family and my home for the beginning of school and a possible job.

Simplify Your Life

This evening, we had a Relief Society activity, and the theme was "Simplify Your Life." It was a really awesome activity! And totally something that I needed to hear. I've always thought of myself as organized, but lately my life (and home) has become chaos. After to night, I've come up with two culprits: clutter and deferred decisions.

Wow, I want to say more, but my hand is cramping all the way up into my bicep! It hurts! Hopefully, I can come back to this soon...

Neck Pain

A bit after waking up this morning, my neck started feeling stiff. Within an hour of that, I couldn't turn my head. Eventually, it got to the point where I couldn't move my back or anything. We've been using Deep Blue with massage, heating packs, and ibuprofen, but I spent pretty much the whole day in bed. I'm just trying to find different positions to alleviate the pain. It seems to be stemming from the 7th vertebra, at least that's what Mitchell said. He was massing my back and neck, but when he touched there it was intense pain. I'm hoping that my day of rest helps it heal so that I can be more productive tomorrow.

Researching a Return to College

Last week for Family Home Evening, Mitchell and I read our Patriarchal Blessings to the family. During that FHE, we were both impressed with the importance of the continuation of my education. My blessing strongly emphasizes the need for me to attend "universities" and to extend my education as far as possible. I mostly share this so you can understand more of why I'm picking such "lofty" areas of study.

So, I applied to return to BYU. My application went through a couple days ago, but it could be around three months until I find out if I'm accepted. And, since then, I've been researching majors. My major was previously Family Life, but that never really felt right to me. I've mostly only looked at the majors at BYU, but sometimes at other colleges.

On Sunday night, I suddenly decided to look up career interest tests and came up with the O*NET Interest Profiler at MyNextMove.org. I took the test and they gave me a list of dozens of careers in different job zones, which entitle different amounts of education. I went through and kept only the ones that seemed interesting to me, plus added a few that I've always been interested in. Then I went through again and took out any that didn't have programs anywhere I was considering living. Then, Mitchell and I went through and crossed off all the ones that didn't really fit my personality  (while the profiler thinks I'd make a great CEO, can anyone really see me as the great, powerful, boss-lady?). Right now, the list is at 6 different majors/careers of interest, and all are in Job Zones 4 or 5, which means they all require at least a Bachelor's Degree.

1) Art History & Curatorial Studies; I could go two ways with this, either Conservation & Restoration, with an architecture emphasis, Museum Curating, or Archiving; BYU offers a great program, SCAD in Savannah has a specific Historic Preservation & Restoration program; the website lists the job outlook as Average and the average salary around $50,000.

2) Anthropology with a Sociocultural emphasis; I would prefer to do research and analysis with this, I took part of an Anthro course back in 2007 and I found it so fascinating, but I like the aspect of studying and analyzing cultures and patterns the most; BYU offers a great program; the website lists the job outlook as Average, but looking online mostly turned up teaching jobs, and the average salary around $58,000.

3) Applied Statistics & Analytics; this I would want to take in the direction of analyzing surveys and data for patterns, and such. Most jobs are with the government. I took a Statistics class at BYU before and it was really interesting; BYU offers a great program for this as well; the website lists the job outlook as Average and the average salary around $48,000.

4) English with a Minor in Editing; I want to take this in the specific direction of becoming a Proofreader or Copy Editor because I have always enjoyed doing that. It's super weird, but I love reading things to check for punctuation and such; I could take this at BYU, but probably also at many other schools; the website lists the job outlook as Below Average and the average salary around $33,000.

5) Interior Design; I have been interested in studying this for many years. It's actually almost second-nature for me to analyze a room for it's faults and to think of ways to improve it. There are many times that I've been thinking about redoing a house as I lay in bed and getting so wound up that I can't sleep; BYU doesn't offer this, but several other places do including TCC in Virginia Beach, LDS Business College, BYU-I, and SCAD, which is also in Atlanta, has the #1 program in the country; the website lists the job outlook as Average and the average salary around $48,000

6) Architecture; this is another thing that has always interested me, probably because I just love designing every part of a house; BYU doesn't offer this, but a school just down the road from us does, it's called Southern Polytechnic State University; the website lists the job outlook as Average and the average salary as $74,000.

If this were just about what my "dream job" is, then I want to become a House Flipper, but of historic homes. I'd want to go around buying historic homes, redoing them inside and out, then selling them. I wouldn't even care if I had a TV show about it. I just love the beauty and majesty of old homes, and it makes me sad to see them in ruins or turned into ugly duplexes.

So what do you guys think?

Anxiety

I am SO nervous about starting a new job. I talked to my new boss, Jeff, yesterday, and we decided to have me start next week on Thursday. We postponed because we've got some fun stuff going on for Joseph next week (KinderCamp!). So now I have a week until my job starts, which leaves A LOT of time for me to build up anxiety.

Today, my chest was tight most of the time. Several times, I was close to tears and/or hyperventilating. I've also been sick to my stomach, but I guess it's good that I'm not eating as much? I hate that I feel like this, but it's been something I've dealt with for so many years. I specifically remember feeling like this before attending my first Stake Dance, but I had no idea why I felt so bad.

I don't want to take medication, though, at least not during the day when I need to do stuff. It took me most of the day to just figure out what I needed to do because my brain was working so slow, but I was able to get some good stuff done. My biggest accomplishment was starting a Scripture Journal. I've been feeling prompted to learn more about the Law of Sacrifice, so I decided to start a journal to keep track of what I learn. I'm going to blog more about the journal on my other blog, Searching for a Hobby. Studying about sacrifice has really helped me to feel more comfortable with the idea of working a new job; I'm realizing that I need to make some sacrifices to help my family progress and grow.

I looked over our budget today, and that REALLY helped strengthen my resolve to work. We are in a huge financial hole right now, but if I can work while Mitchell gets freelance work, we might be able to start digging ourselves out.

A New Job

A few weeks ago, I put in a job application with Merry Maids. Shortly afterwards, they contacted me looking to interview me, but it was right when we were leaving for Virginia, so we had to wait. I went in Yesterday for the interview and the Branch Manager wanted to proceed with the process, so I did the mandatory drug test and signed the forms for the background check. I got a call today and everything was approved, so I can start as soon as Monday. 

I'm a bit scared about having a job. I haven't had a job on 5 years, and even then I only worked about 10 hours a week. This job is full-time, Monday through Friday, plus every other Saturday. I start at 8 am and work until around 2 or 3. That's a lot of work! And it's hard work, too. The pay isn't the greatest either.

What I keep reminding myself is that it's a job, which we sorely need. I was hired even though I have almost no work history, no traing, and no education. Where else would I get a job? I feel like this will be a good time in which I'll be able to challenge myself and really work on my own personal progress. I want to prove that I can be strong and useful. I also need this time to help me remember to turn to The Lord in everything I do. I've been really grateful for the support, encouragement, and love I've received from family and friends.

Vacation

Yesterday, we got home from a week-and-a-half in Virginia visiting Mitchell's family. The main reason we went up was so Mitchell could attend his grandfather's funeral with his mom. We ended up staying longer than we originally planned and enjoyed some nice time relaxing and hanging out with family. The kids and I stayed with Mitchell's brother, Sam, and his family, while Mitchell, his mom, and his brother, Grant, were in Indiana for the funeral. Joseph and Annabelle got to meet and spend time with all of their Ellis cousins for the first time ever. And they loved it! Joseph loved playing with Sam's two boys, who are both older than him. And Annabelle enjoyed playing girly things with her only girl Ellis cousin, Celina, who is only 2 months younger than her. Mitchell and I took advantage of the time to relax, enjoy ourselves, and not worry about the future too much. We were able to go to Busch Gardens and watch the show London Rocks, which Mitchell's brother, Ross, is the lead guitarist in. I also rode a roller coaster for the first time in about 7 years. I was so anxious right before getting on, but I loved it just as much as I used to. I'm really grateful that we had that time to rejuvenate before getting into the stress of trying to figure out what's going to happen next. 

         From left to right: Back Row - Mitchell, Ross, Grant, Eden, Joseph. 

Front Row - Zeke, Annabelle, Charlie, Julian, Celena, Ben.

Annabelle, Celina, and Charlie playing with Disney Princess Little People!

Charlie playing in the hose with Grammy.

Change

I'm going to deviate from my recent format today.

I'm pretty sure I've talked on here before about how I have a difficult time dealing with change. Friday was Mitchell's last day of work, so now he's home all the time. And it's really throwing me off. I love having him here just because I feel like I've hardly seen him since we moved to Georgia, but I can seem to stay focused or on task. I've spent most of the past three days reading Mitchell's Dragon Ball comics (it's weird, I know). And my house is becoming an even bigger mess. I've suddenly lost all my motivation and I can't seem to stick to the routine I had finally gotten settled into.

All of this isn't helped by the fact that I started my period this week (sorry if this is TMI!), so I'm moody, crampy, and cranky. I'm not used to this whole period thing; it's only the second one I've had since I got pregnant with Charlie over 2 years ago.

If I try to look at things from another standpoint, it's not so bad, though. I've made dinner for my family, the kids had a bath today, we've been grocery shopping and got gas, and we've had a lot of fun together as a family. I guess the "moral of the story" is that I need to be a little more lenient with myself and remember that I just need time to adjust, but I can do my best while that's happening.

Father's Day

Ah! I can't believe I missed a whole week!

The Obstacle:

I had 3 migraines this week, including one today. The first two were on Monday and Tuesday. They an be pretty debilitating. Thankfully, I don't throw up when I have migraines.

The Blessing:

When the migraine started coming on today, I started to apply my oils. I put the Deep Blue Rub across my forehead, down my temples, and under my eye on the cheekbone. I followed that with Frankincense, and then Serenity. I made sure to massage it into my temples really well. Then I got a wet washcloth and put it over my eyes. I also had it on the back of my neck for a bit, and then on my forehead. I went and layed down on my bed with the washcloth on my forehead and my sunglasses on. I remembered my mom telling me how my Popi would listen to classical music when he had a migraine, and when I was really little I loved being with him. So I put a classical music station on my Pandora and just listened. After about 30 minutes, the kids were starving and couldn't stand me being in my room any longer, so I came out and started dinner with my sunglasses still on, but I was soon able to take them off because I felt so much better. And I've had hardly any hangover symptoms or anything.

The Celebrating:

Happy Father's Day! Mitchell spoke in church today, and everyone enjoyed his talk. Charlie especially loved seeing his "Dah" up on the stand. At lunch, we gave Mitchell his Father's Day present. Then we had a relaxing, low-key evening. I had the kids do interviews again this year. 

Mitchell's cards and gift, a rubber chicken. The Superman card plays the theme song when you open it; Joseph is obsessed with cards that have music and would not rest until we found a cool one for Dad, thankfully it only took about 15 minutes. When you open the other card, Tramp scootches closer to Lady so they're kissing; it was just too cute to pass up. And the rubber chicken is basically a 6-year, running joke in our family.

Sunday?

I missed a day again. And it's because I was playing video games too much...

The Annoying:
I LOVE video games. I just love playing games, especially when they have goals and such that I'm working towards. The problem is that I'm easily addicted to them. Mitchell and I have a new game that we've been playing together this weekend, and we played the whole weekend, literally. It's just frustrating to try to "fight" against my desire to play games.

The Nice:
Church was good. We made it in time for the sacrament and stayed for the whole time, which is pretty good considering our track record. We have a really great ward and I enjoy getting to know the people more.

The Healthy:
Mitchell and I have been sort of doing this diet thing, where we replace two meals a day with these health shakes. So we did that today, plus I ended up walking about 1.5-2 miles trying to get a good shot of the sunset for my other blog. Maybe I'll start losing weight, even though it seems like I've been steadily gaining.

Frustration, but Fun, too.

The Frustrating:

I spent most of the morning on the phone with various people trying to sort out the problem with my Cymbalta. And I'm still not sure if I made progress. Hopefully, the doctor will just put in the Prior Authorization, but the message that came across to me is that she would rather just switch my medication. I'm worried about switching without regular medication management. Normally, if your meds are switched, you go in every 2-3 weeks until you are stable, but my insurance ends on the 30th, so I don't have long. It is true that I've done really well this week on the Prozac, so maybe that's a sign...

The Blessing:

I'm so grateful that I haven't been sick from missing my Cymbalta. Usually, I my muscles are really sore, my head hurts continually, and I'm nauseated like I have a stomach bug. I've just been continuously amazed and grateful that I'm not suffering like that.

The Fun:

It's Friday night, so Mitchell and I could just hang out with worrying about work tomorrow. We were able to play a video game together for a couple hours and just have fun.

Play Group and Too Much Sun

The Stupid:
So, I read this article in Psychology Today that talked about the link between depression and vitamin D deficiency. And it said that sunscreen prevents the body from absorbing vitamin D. So, like the smart woman I am, I decided to not wear any sunscreen while we were at play group today. Play group was 3 hours at the pool. My back, shoulders, and upper arms are completely pink and sore. It's annoying, but it's really my own fault.

The Awesome:
I have been feeling surprisingly great this week. I thought I'd be bed-ridden with the "discontinuation syndrome" that usually comes if I miss my Cymbalta. But the Prozac and Wellbutrin have helped me get past any problems. I'm just so grateful for how well I've been dealing with this.

The Fun: 
The kids and I went to play group today. It was hosted at the neighborhood pool of a friend in the ward. It was SO much fun! I didn't take a single picture because I was too busy having fun and enjoying the kids. There were a couple times that I thought about getting the iPad out, but I felt like it would have ruined the special moment that we were having. It took all three of the kids a while to warm up to the water, but that was expected seeing that the last time they were in a pool Joseph was only 2 1/2 and Annabelle was about 9 months; Charlie wasn't even a thought in our minds! Eventually they all got very comfortable in the water and had tons of fun playing. Joseph ended up loving it the most, which I totally wasn't expecting. He's normally very cautious and he doesn't like water very much, so it was a surprise when he stayed in the longest and played the most. My absolute favorite part was the giggles and pure joy that came out when he was using arm floaties for the first time in the deeper water. He just loved that he could be in the water like that. I'm planning on getting them each their own floaties so they can play more next week.

The Zoo and Spending Time with Kids

The Negative:

There is SO much stuff around my house that needs attention, but I feel like I either don't have the time or the energy to ever take care of things. It's really frustrating because I just feel like I always have this weight on my shoulders of all the responsibilities and tasks that are waiting for me. And I just can't seem to find the right balance...

The Fun:

The kids and I went to the zoo today. We had way too much fun there and really wore ourselves out. They spent the majority of the time playing on the splash pad they have at the zoo. We did look at a few animals, though. I'd post some pictures now, but it's late and I haven't gone through them yet.

The Lesson:

This morning I read a blog post that a wonderful friend shared on Facebook. And it really got me thinking about things. The point of it was that spending time with the kids is an accomplishment. It is important. And it's a very good way to spend the day. So I tried to keep that in mind today. It's hard because I have that weight of stuff to do on my shoulders, but if I keep trying to find a good balance, The Lord will help me.

Shopping and Exhaustion

I know, I missed a few days... It's been pretty difficult for me lately.

The Hard Part:

I was SO exhausted today. I think it's due to two major things. The first being a very adventurous day yesterday, and the second that I STILL don't have my Cymbalta, so that's two days without it now. I

Was hit by a huge wave of exhaustion at lunchtime. I barely made it to the bed before I passed out on the bed. It was that kind of sleep where you just have no control over sleeping or waking. I slept about 2 1/2 hours. I was able to force myself awake when I realized that Charlie had been awake for a bit and had a stinky diaper.

The Good Part:

I was at least able to pick up the Wellbutrin that I was prescribed. And the insurance is finally, sort of, fixed, so the prescription was only $15. I really hope that adding it will help me out a lot.

The Work Part:

Despite being a sleep-walking zombie, I was able to get to Kroger where I got some grocery shopping done and picked up my medicine. I had loaded coupons into my Kroger card, so those combined with sales prices saved me $26 on my groceries. The kids were really wild because there were no car carts to contain them and my brain was working at half-speed, but it still went pretty well.

A Mostly Good Day

It's so late! So I'm going to do a pretty short post tonight. 

The Downside:

I was feeling sick today, but it's the kind that's a limbo between mostly healthy and really sick. It just made me even more tired, sometimes I would get dizzy, and my throat is still sore and scratchy.

The Fun:

The kids went to bed without a fuss, so Mitchell and I were able to watch Secondhand Lions, which I had  never seen before. I really enjoyed the movie, and it was a nice boost.

The Work: 

With the help of the kids, I got the living room, dining room, and front hall straightened and vacuumed. They didn't stay completely clean, but they aren't too messy either.

A Silly Story:

I think Annabelle may be getting sick as well because she has been extra moody the past couple days. This story is evidence:

In order to get the kids to help me clean, I turned it into a game. The kids had eaten graham crackers in the room and there were crumbs everywhere, so I told them the crumbs were Kryptonite. And they would turn the whole room into Kryptonite if we didn't clean them up before the timer went off. So we got busy cleaning. When we were nearly to the point of vacuuming, Annabelle walked in with graham crackers in her hand and sat down to eat them. In my mock distressed voice I said, "Oh, no! Annabelle that's Kryptonite!" And then she burst into tears and just started sobbing. I apologized for upsetting her and had her go to the kitchen with her graham crackers, where she continued to making blubbering sounds for about 10-15 minutes. Eventually she joined back in the game as if nothing had ever happened.

                                  

This was Joseph's favorite picture of the day because it was him as Superman when we were cleaning.

Doctor Visit and Medicine Troubles

The Frustrations:

Since we moved to Georgia, I've been getting my Cymbalta from my FIL. He's cleaned out his office's samples for me over the past few months. When I tried to fill my prescription last month, the pharmacy told me that my insurance wouldn't be effective until May. So I finally went to fill it again today. And now there is no record of me in the company's system at all. We are paying $500 a month for nothing! All of this insurance crap is just so frustrating to me. Why does being an adult have to be so complicated? I'll be giving the consultant a call tomorrow to straighten everything out. 

Also, I'm pretty sure I'm getting a cold. Charlie was sick yesterday and today, and I think he gave it to me. My throat has been scratchy and sore, and I'm aching more than usual. I don't want to be sick! 

The Blessings:

Earlier in the month, I received a doTERRA order that I had placed, but one of the items was the wrong thing. I didn't call right away because my MIL was visiting and I didn't want to take time away from her. Then I just kept forgetting to call. So I finally called today. I was worried they wouldn't be able to help me because it's been almost 3 weeks since the order processed, but they were. They are sending me the correct item tomorrow, and I get to keep the other item free of charge! And it's a bottle of an essential oil blend that I use regularly that's worth $15! That was some really good news.

This second one is difficult to think of... I think it's a blessing that I was much more patient with my kids than usual. I only got frustrated with them a couple times, after they were just completely ignoring everything I was saying.

The Accomplishment:

I went to a doctor appointment today, with all three kids in tow. I stayed pretty patient with them, dispute them being pretty wild, but I just worked really hard to reign them in without yelling. At the appointment, they drew blood to test my thyroid levels, kidney & liver functions, and iron levels. They are also starting me on Wellbutrin, once the insurance lets me pick up my prescriptions... Anyway, it feels good to be on the oath to better health.

I made it the whole day without playing any video games. To put this in perspective, I've been playing games every day for at least an hour a day lately. Yesterday, I played almost the whole day and barely even stopped for meals.

New Resolution

I've made a new resolution. I'm going to try to blog every day. I know, I've made this resolution many times before, but I'm going to try really hard to make this time different. I added it as a daily task to my account on a website called HabitRPG. So I'm accountable every day to myself and sometimes to others for blogging. I'm also very determined to feel better.

I've been really struggling pretty much since we moved to Georgia. I can't seem to feel settled. I'm depressed and unmotivated nearly every day. I'm always exhausted and I've been choosing sleep over many activities. But I hate feeling like this. I want to enjoy life! I want to enjoy all the wonderful things that are around me and that have been happening.

I'm going to use a new format on my blog that will hopefully help me realize that there are more good things in my life than bad. I can blog about things that I'm struggling with, or negative things, but for each negative thing I write, I plan on writing a blessing, or good thing, and an accomplishment.

I want the rest of the day to happen before I blog for today, so, hopefully, I'll have two posts for today.

Please, please, please! Help me be accountable! Try to remind me or ask me what's up if I go too long without blogging.

Hardest Part of the Day

I have such a hard time with evenings. By the time I'm finished cooking dinner, I just can't take anymore. Cleaning up from dinner and putting the kids to bed seem like the most difficult jobs in the world. Sometimes, if I had an easy morning or a really long, relaxing afternoon, it's no big deal; however, that almost never happens. Why can't I just make it through one whole day taking care of my responsibilities without crashing or having a meltdown? 

I have a pork roast to put away and lots of dishes to do, some of the hand dishes have been sitting for like a week-and-half. My kids are running around like demons right now, jumping off furniture and wrestling each other. The thought of bathing, dressing, reading, and singing them to sleep, and then cleaning up from dinner is bringing me nearly to tears.

So, what are some ideas? How can I make evenings more tolerable or even, dare I say, pleasant?

What I REALLY Want for Mother's Day

I was thinking about what I really WANT while I was in the shower.

I've been feeling down a lot lately, and just feeling like I need something, but not know what it is. So my thought process went to how Mitchell and I haven't been spending much time together the past week because he's working on a "Top Secret" project right now, and will be until Monday. But then I thought about how we really haven't spent much time together since we moved to Georgia because he works about 50 hours a week. And we're always stressed about money or job stuff or something "adult."

So I realized what I want is a trip, with Mitchell and without the kids. We've NEVER done that before. In the 6 years we've been married, we've never gone somewhere special just the two of us (I'm not talking about a few hours for a date). We never had a honeymoon or a babymoon or an anniversary trip or any of those things that people normally do. Because we're poor, we've always been poor, and we probably always will be poor.

So what do I do then? How do I realize this dream? How have others done it?

Feeling Better

I've been feeling a lot better the past week. And I attribute it to the Gospel. I've been putting an extra effort in to make sure that I have to Spirit in my life. 

I use a website called HabitRPG that helps build good habits by "gamifying" them. One of the daily habits I have is Morning Prayer because it is something I have always had a hard time remembering. I've gone 2 weeks without missing, though! At first I was thinking it wouldn't help much because I would just be doing it, but I wouldn't be in the right spirit. That's no true, though. The reminder helps me to know I need to do it and ai can take the time to get in the right Spirit. It started out that I didn't want to damage my party members, but now I want that extra support in the morning. 

Mitchell and I have also been listening to Conference talks while we drive to and from his work together. And when it's just me, I listen to the scriptures sometimes. I'm doing that Book of Mormon challenge to read it in the same amount of time that Joseph Smith translated it, so sometimes I need to listen in the car to catch-up. 

We were missing a lot of church for a bit back in March and the beginning of April, but we are back to going regularly. I gave a talk two weeks ago, and yesterday was Mitchell's first week if his new calling, which is teaching the 12-13 year old Sunday School class. We can't miss anymore! 

On Saturday, I went to a wonderful Stake Relief Society Conference. It was called Living in the Latter Days, and Loving It! I really enjoyed the time I spent there and I learned some good things.

I'm so grateful for the Gospel and all the blessings that it brings into my life. I'm grateful to see the increase in blessings as I strive to increase my obedience and righteousness; to me that is proof that God is watching over me.

Just Depressed

Yesterday was a really good day. And this morning I felt so optimistic about the day. As I was driving Mitchell to work, I commented on how it felt like the first Monday in forever that I felt relaxed after the weekend. Then, somewhere in the middle of the day, it was like someone flipped a switch, and I slowly descended into a dark hole. Somehow, I still managed to do some good things, including making dinner. I just feel so sad, though, and my brain feels muddled. I'm trying to just stick to some kind of routine and prepare for bed rather than losing myself in a video game, which is what I usually do when I feel like this. The hardest part about days like this is the hopelessness, which gets worse each time because I think, "Well, I still haven't gotten help. I guess I never will now." But when the good days come, I either feel like I have more important things to do or I just plain forget to do anything about it. I feel like I have a mountain of things to do tomorrow, so that's not helping my outlook either.

I'm going to make myself list three good things about today:

1. I enjoyed a nice shower with the cutest baby boy in the world.

2. I took the car to get the A/C re-checked and they didn't charge me anything.

3. Joseph and Annabelle fell asleep on the way to pick up Mitchell, so we had a partially kid-free evening.

Here's hoping, and praying, that tomorrow I have what it takes to do what I need and feel good.

Splurge

On Friday, Mitchell's phone just stopped working. So on Saturday, we went to the AT&T store to get him a new one. They have it now so that you can do monthly payments instead of paying everything at once. While there, the sales girl convinced us to get an iPad. We've been talking about getting one for over a year now, so we decided to just do it. Even though Mitchell was the one who really wanted to get one, I am the one who uses it the most. I love having it! I'm using to it to type this blog post. It's nice because I can just sit in bed and do it. So now I have another reason why blogging should be easier. But I always say that and I still never blog... But I can always hope I'll do better, right?

I have an idea in the works, but I haven't started yet. It would be a project for my other blog that ai haven't gotten on images. Hopefully, I can find time to get started soon.

Complaining

Apparently, Georgia isn't good for my blogging habit...

This post is probably going to sound like complaining, so you can stop reading now, I won't judge you. And don't judge me if you do keep reading! I could use some support, ideas, or just love, though.

I feel like crap. Basically all the time. After consulting a lot with some "new" psychiatric help, also known as my father-in-law, Rick, and his wife, Sally, several possible reasons for the crappiness have been voiced.

We already know that I have depression and anxiety. I'm struggling a lot with them, mostly the depression, and I think it's due to the other problems, but also to the move. I'm having a difficult time adjusting to living here and the totally different way we have to live life now. I hate being alone so much, and I miss having Mitchell around. Jason came to visit for a few weeks and it was great to have company, but he went home this week.

I also was diagnosed with ADHD when I was a kid. It's always given me a bit of trouble, but I haven't tried to do anything about it. Sally did have me try some medicine a few weeks ago, but it just didn't work for me. My thoughts are always very scattered and I have a hard time focusing on things for very long. I think this is contributing greatly to the chaos that I feel is pervading my life right now. I can never seem to accomplish anything or finish a project or even a thought....

I've been somewhat recently diagnosed with OCD. I was trying to work with my therapist in Provo on the OCD, but it's been a few months since I've seen her (obviously), and I don't think I was really doing my part either. I tend to "put on a show" and look my best when around other people, even though it's not intentional, I just get excited to be with other people! Anyways, being under greater stress has made me go a bit backwards in the progress that I did make, though. I have been getting kind of locked in to lots of patterns and routines that interfere with my daily activities.

Sally believes that I have Bi-polar II, which is just a "milder" form of the disorder, with longer periods between mood changes and less distinctive mania. I feel like this is a revelation to why I feel really depressed, but the next day I feel amazing and I'm dancing and singing all over the place. It just makes so much sense! Knowing what's wrong doesn't help that much, though. And I think the stress of life is causing the mood changes to happen a bit more frequently, too. Sally had me try a mood stabilizer a couple weeks ago; I liked feeling more relaxed, and Mitchell noticed a big difference, but I slept ALL the time (like 12 hours a day), so we stopped that one, too. I haven't seen her recently, so we haven't tried anything new yet.

And, lastly, Sally thinks I have hypothyroid. And, saying that, she's really echoing something my mom has been saying for awhile. I was actually showing thyroid abnormalities in my blood tests a year ago, but they "evened out" and were in the normal range, so treatment wasn't pursued. But I seriously feel like I have pretty much all of the symptoms. I'm so tired and cranky all the time. I'm achy and sore a lot, plus I get frequent neck/headaches. And I'm finally starting to gain weight at a steady pace... (For my whole life, until about a year ago, I was always underweight and I usually needed to be on a diet with an extra 1,000 calories. How do you change 20+ years of thinking that you need to eat tons of carbs?!)

So that's my life right now. Today I've been in a lot of pain and I've been super depressed. At least the depression is decreasing my appetite. I just want to fast forward until a time where all of the problems are being controlled.

The Square

So we live about half a mile from downtown Marietta, which is called The Square. There's a big park in the middle and it's surrounded by little shops and restaurants. It's such an awesome place! 

The kids and I walked there yesterday afternoon to play and look around. There is a little playground with a train and little ticket house. The kids love playing there. 

I love Joseph in this one; he looks like Superman about to take off in flight

(which is what he was pretending).

I love her smile in this one!

This one just cracks me up.

Isn't he beautiful?! He learned how to climb up and go down the slide all by himself. He would turn around at the top so he could slide feet-first on his belly. Because it's a metal slide, it's pretty fast; so he'd always get a little shock at the bottom, but he'd just stand up with a huge smile and clap his hands.

We had so much fun playing at the Train Park, and I'm excited that we live so close to it.

Our New Ward

Today was our second Sunday in our new ward. We are in the Kennesaw Mountain Ward, which is part of the Powder Springs Georgia Stake. I just checked, and our records have officially been transferred!

We've already been very active in the two weeks we've lived here. We've been to church twice, went to a "New Member" dinner with half the ward. I also went to a Relief Society activity and joined the ward choir.

This new ward is SO friendly. We were welcomed and greeted by so many people our first Sunday that I felt overwhelmed by names and couldn't remember most of them. I've been studying the program and paying close attention so that I can learn names quickly. And I've met several people in the ward that just seem...familiar, even though this is the first time I've met them. I always take that as a good sign because it usually means we'll become good friends.

I have really missed the Pioneer Park ward, though, and all the friends that I had there. I wonder how many Sundays will go by before I stop looking for Nicole or Kaydee to sit by in Relief Society. And it's weird when I think about needing someone to watch the kids, but realize that I can't just text Aja or Melissa. My hope is that I can make friends here that are as dear to my heart as those women are.

A Lot of Stuff

It has been a LONG time since I posted anything on my blog. I think I have pretty good excuses, though.

I noticed that the last date I posted was November 4th. Four days after that, I had my appendix out because it was enlarged.

Then, just when I had recovered, it was time for Mitchell's art show and we had family in town (the first week of December).

Mitchell graduated, Christmas came, and then everything was stressful while we tried to find work.

Mid-January, Mitchell got a job in Atlanta, and we had just under two weeks to move out to Georgia. Somehow we got packed fast enough, and we moved. We drove out in just three days. We stayed with Mitchell's dad for two weeks while we found our own place.

Now, we are renting a nice little house in downtown Marietta, Georgia. We are 16 miles from where Mitchell works, so a 20-40 minute drive, depending on traffic. We live a few blocks from historic Marietta and "the Square," which has tons of fun shops and restaurants. We have been here for two weeks now, but it's been a busy two weeks, so we are hardly moved in. We just got internet two days ago, and the gas was turned off for most of this week. It felt great to take a shower today!

Mitchell works long hours, and works pretty late, which may give me the chance to blog more often. I want to help all my family and friends keep up with this big change in our lives.