Spiritual Duty as a Mother

Something that I've been seeing a lot of lately is the discussion about the role of the Priesthood, and how it affects women. It's been on my mind a lot as I read the opinions and feelings of many different people with many different views.  

I've been reading and studying the Doctrine and Covenants lesson on Priesthood lately, and I feel like it addresses this issue so well. It answers my questions and confirms my testimony.

Over and over again, I've read and understood that I am able to have all the blessings of the Priesthood through my diligent study of the scriptures and participation in the ordinances of the gospel. One passage that I have studied multiple times, and that has helped lead me to this understanding, is in Section 84. I feel like these verses describe my duty as a mother.

19 And this greater priesthood administereth the gospel and holdeth the key of the mysteries of the kingdom, even the key of the knowledge of God. 

20 Therefore, in the ordinances thereof, the power of godliness is manifest. 

21 And without the ordinances thereof, and the authority of the priesthood, the power of godliness is not manifest unto men in the flesh;

22 For without this no man can see the face of God, even the Father, and live.

23 Now this Moses plainly taught to the children of Israel in the wilderness, and sought diligently to sanctify his people that they might behold the face of God.

As I have studied and prayed about these verses, I've been lead to know that they are my goal as a mother, to prepare my children, and self, through the power of the priesthood to be worthy to behold the face of God. Through my study, I have learned that, in order to do this, I must teach my children to keep the commandments, to study the scriptures diligently, and to participate in gospel ordinances regularly. Through personal righteousness and regular participation in temple ordinances, every member of my family will the able to access the mysteries of the kingdom, the knowledge of God, and the power of godliness; they will be worthy to behold the face of God.

This is a life-long goal, so my prayer is that I will be able to keep it in the forefront of my mind throughout daily life so that I can help my family progress.

Turning to the Lord

On Tuesday, I had the time to read and study from the scriptures before the kids woke up. I was working through the scripture chain in Lesson 8 of the Doctrine and Covenants study manual, which is about the Restoration of the Priesthood and the governing of the Church through the restored keys. However, as I was marking and reading a couple verses in Section 78, I felt prompted to read the surrounding verses to better understand what I was reading. While doing that, I came across two verses that really touched my heart; they seem perfectly suited to things I've been thinking and feeling lately.

Last week, I felt an increase in my anxiety and depression. Those feelings always lead to a lot of negative thinking. Sometimes it's very difficult to break out of the cycle of negative thoughts to realize that most of what I'm thinking isn't real or true. Sometimes, life feels impossible to me. It feels like I'll never make it through the next year, month, week, or day. But I've been learning to turn to the Lord more, and put myself in his hands to help me when I don't think I can make it on my own.

So these verses were exactly what I needed to hear:

17 Verily, verily, I say unto you, ye are little children, and ye have not as yet understood 

how great blessings the Father hath in his own hands and prepared for you;

18 And ye cannot bear all things now; nevertheless, be of good cheer, for I will lead you along. 

The kingdom is yours and the blessings thereof are yours, and the riches of eternity are yours.

If I keep turning to the Lord in my time of need, as well as during times of strength, He will bless me to keep going, even when it seems impossible. And I someday I will have all the blessings promised to me.

Anxiety

Today was a hard day. The past few days I'd been noticing a little more depression and anxiety; today was like the climax of all the anxiety. I started having one of my anxiety attacks, which was worse than any I've had in several months. I ended up needing to take some Xanax in order to calm myself down. It was hard for me to do that. I was starting to feel proud of myself because I haven't had to take any since May, so I felt like a failure taking it. Mitchell really helped me feel better about it, though. He helped me remember that sometimes we just have bad days or we have setbacks, and that's normal, so I'm not a failure for needing help managing my anxiety sometimes. We went for a nice walk in the canyon after I'd calmed down. Then we had lunch at Chick-Fil-A and bought cupcakes at the Sweet Tooth Fairy. I took a long nap with Charlie when we came home. After I woke up, Mitchell and I put candles in our cupcakes and we finally sang Happy Birthday to ourselves. Even though the day started out bad, it did end well, and I'm grateful for that. I'm grateful for the support of my husband and for the things I've learned as I've dealt with my depression and anxiety the last several months. I know that I can continue getting better and getting stronger, as long as I rely on the Lord.