Yesterday was a really good day. And this morning I felt so optimistic about the day. As I was driving Mitchell to work, I commented on how it felt like the first Monday in forever that I felt relaxed after the weekend. Then, somewhere in the middle of the day, it was like someone flipped a switch, and I slowly descended into a dark hole. Somehow, I still managed to do some good things, including making dinner. I just feel so sad, though, and my brain feels muddled. I'm trying to just stick to some kind of routine and prepare for bed rather than losing myself in a video game, which is what I usually do when I feel like this. The hardest part about days like this is the hopelessness, which gets worse each time because I think, "Well, I still haven't gotten help. I guess I never will now." But when the good days come, I either feel like I have more important things to do or I just plain forget to do anything about it. I feel like I have a mountain of things to do tomorrow, so that's not helping my outlook either.
I'm going to make myself list three good things about today:
1. I enjoyed a nice shower with the cutest baby boy in the world.
2. I took the car to get the A/C re-checked and they didn't charge me anything.
3. Joseph and Annabelle fell asleep on the way to pick up Mitchell, so we had a partially kid-free evening.
Here's hoping, and praying, that tomorrow I have what it takes to do what I need and feel good.
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