Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Lists
I've been going to therapy once a week and it's been helping me a lot. Everything that has happened combined with the treatment I am receiving has been making me much more introspective. I'm constantly having to stop and really THINK about why I'm acting the way I am. Today my therapist and I were talking about ways for me to overcome my compulsions to make lists and to focus only on minute details. She told me to throw away my lists. When she said that, I thought I might pass out. I'm already trying to write fewer lists and I deleted one off my computer when I came home. It was really difficult... and I wrote it out again a few hours later. I have so many lists for what I'm going to do each day and I choose which list to use based on a specific set of circumstances. But I frequently end up stressing myself out because the circumstances change or I don't feel like following a list or something throws me off what I'm doing and then I don't know what list to follow. I used to just make simple to-do lists, but sometime over the past years they began to rule my life instead of helping it. I feel like this is going to be one of the most difficult obstacles I deal with in my life, and it's a bit scary, but I'm glad I have good help with working on it.
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Maybe you can still make the lists, but have some rules about them, that give you a break. Like ok, I have my list, but I only have to do 2 or 3 things on it. Once you do those 2 or 3 things, then you have a free pass to do whatever. That is what I do, but maybe it is just because I am lazy.. But that way I still get some stuff done even if I don't feel like it, and I don't have the stress or worry about not getting the whole list done. For me, lists are very important to help me remember things, so you should be able to use them for that, but you shouldn't have the expectation that you have to get each one done everyday. They should just be there to help you remember, but you should be able to check things off of it as you feel like it, or as much as you can handle.
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