Dumpster Diver

I have become a dumpster diver.

The first time was the week after Halloween. I went to take out the trash and sitting right on top of everything in the dumpster was a pack of unused orange votive candles. I took them.

The second time was today. I was taking out a dirty diaper of Joseph's (you really needed to know that part...) and sitting on top of everything was this beautiful, glass vase. I brought it in, showed Mitchell, and washed it out. I really like it a lot.

I've been learning how to cook a lot lately. I never really learned much because I always had my mom or Samantha or Mitchell's mom to cook for me. But here, I have to do the cooking. And I'm learning to love it. Today I made a Spinach Quiche for dinner and it was really good. It could have cooked for a few more minutes, there wasn't enough cheese, and I forgot the salt and pepper, but compared to some of my other trys, it was great. I'm pretty proud of myself for everything that I'm learning.

Our new time for church is 3-6 PM. I'm not very happy about this. It's a horrible time for Joseph because it's right during naptime and dinner time and right before bedtime. And all of the kids in the Nursery are probably going to be cranky, too. Mitchell has to work tomorrow, too, so he won't be there to help me out. I'm not excited...

Sleep Troubles

I posted about this a while back.

Joseph doesn't know how to fall asleep on his own. I didn't feel like I could follow Carianne's method because we share a room with Joseph and we have to walk through the bedroom to get to the bathroom and other things; it's an area of heavy traffic.

Tonight I decided to try again. I followed his normal bedtime routine and then at exactly 8 PM I put him in his crib. He screamed. 5 minutes later I went in and rocked him until he calmed down. I put his "sleep song" on my iPod and then started it on repeat in the bedroom. I put him in bed. He immediately started trying to get out. I left him in there for almost 10 minutes. Then I rocked him some more. It took a long time for him to calm down. And then I couldn't bring myself to put him back in there. I felt like I was punishing him and he wasn't even being bad. So I rocked him some more and then he fell asleep. Now he's asleep in his crib.

I don't know what to do. I don't mind putting him to bed as much as I mind the multiple night time wakings. Last night, we went to bed really late (3:30 AM). Just as we were both falling asleep Joseph woke up. It took us until 4:30 AM to get him back to sleep. He still wants to nurse 3-4 times during the night. And he's a year old now! I'm just to soft, I guess...

On a good note, today was a pretty great day. Especially considering that I only got about 4 1/2 hours of sleep. So far the new year is going pretty well.

Resolutions

It's the end of the year and time for resolutions. I acutally did pretty well on my resolutions this year. Yay for me! Here they are because I didn't have my blog then:

1. Be able to complete my Baron Baptiste Power Vinyasa Yoga DVD. At the beginning of this year I was 2 weeks out of having a baby, so this was a big goal for me. And I completed it. I even moved on to more intensive workouts. Yay!

2. Read the Book of Mormon. I have 4 chapters left. I was starting 4th Nephi this morning. I've been reading all day. I'm glad that I did this one.

3. Contact my visiting teaching sisters every month. I have a writing only route and I'm horrible at remember to write letters. I wrote to them twice! Sad...

4. Do something to develop my creative talents every month. I think I got about 7/12 months. That's pretty good. I've worked on cooking the most, which I used to hate and wasn't good at. I've gotten better and I don't hate it any more. I worked on a little sewing, drawing, etc.


Well, I think I did pretty good. I've decided to only set 3 goals for myself for 2010. But I know they'll be challenging for me.

1. Read The Old Testament. I've never read through the whole thing.

2. Complete 2 of the merit badges from You Can Do It!. I'll finish the Style goal and pick another one. I want to do the singing one, but that depends on money for voice lessons.

3. Write in my journal every day. I used to be really good at this and then I fell out of the habit. I want to get back in it again.

Well, these are my goals. I'll probably report on them a little bit. I'm going to try to write on here every day, too, but my actual journal will get priority on busy or late nights.

I can't wait to read all of your resolutions.

Good turning bad

I know it's been a long time since I've posted. Having Mitchell home made it so either we were spending time together or he was using the computer. Things were starting to go really well and I wasn't thinking as much about posting.

Mitchell got a job. He's a delivery driver for a pizza place. He's getting a lot of extra hours over the next couple weeks. He started about a week ago.

We also received financial help from many of our family members. That was the greatest miracle and blessing. We had a lot of things come up unexpectedly.

Christmas was good. We had a little bit of money to buy one gift each. And we had a nice time with the family that was in town.

All of these wonderful things should make me happy. But I'm having a very hard time because of something that is burdening my mind and making me feel really depressed. A couple weeks ago our roommate put our apartment back on the market. He says he's tired of trying to scramble to pay rent. The landlord will let us cut the lease short if someone else wants to apartment. I am not happy about this at all. I love my apartment! And if we leave, that means we have to move back into my Mother-In-Law's house. And we'll be getting a smaller bedroom this time. I try not to hate things, but I absolutely hate living in that house. We did it for a year and I don't think I've ever been so depressed in my life. I don't know what to do. I feel like everything is just going down the drain. I've lost all motivation and desire for life. I don't feel strong enough for this trial.

I'm sorry that this post is depressing, but it's how I feel right now and I'm hoping that getting it out will help me feel better. Maybe I'll have something better to post soon.

Yay for Prozac!

That's what my husband said this afternoon when I told him that I'd been happy for two whole days in a row. I feel amazing! I started taking my medication on Friday night. And I finally feel like myself again. I haven't felt this good in a VERY long time. Even when I was taking my medication before. I was taking Celexa before, but my new doctor thought we'd try Prozac again. And it's working great. I'm so grateful and so happy.

Good & Bad

Okay. I'm going to start with the bad first. I've been feeling super depressed the past couple days. I've cancelled on 2 R.S. activities that I planned on going to. I just can' deal with being out and socializing right now.

The good is that I FINALLY saw the psychiatrist today. He's going to try me on Prozac again. I took my first pill about an hour ago.

Hopefully, things will get a little easier.

Stress

So, it has been a very long time since I've posted. I've realized that even though I made this blog to help with my emotions/depression, when I really am depressed or stressed, I ignore it. I'll have to work on that.

Things are very stressful right now:

• Mitchell still doesn't have a job.



• We have less than $50 to live on until one of us gets a job and a paycheck.



• Pretty much all of our Christmas plans are ruined.

I spent almost 4 hours at the Department of Human Services yesterday. We applied for food stamps (now called SNAP) and TANF. It was very tiring because Joseph didn't want to be held for that long, but he couldn't crawl around there.

Joseph discovered spitting a few days ago. Now he spits his food on me whenever he eats. It's so annoying and frustrating. I don't know how to get him to stop. He thinks it's hilarious and saying "No!" just makes him laugh even more.

I had a job interview at Food Lion on Tuesday. If I don't hear back sometime today, then I didn't get the job. I don't think I will. She didn't like that one of my reasons for quitting my last job was to care for my baby. I think she's looking for someone who's going to be there for a while and I'm just looking for a job to get us through the next 3 or 4 months.

Mitchell has a job interview for a manager position at Chipotle, but it's not until next Tuesday. That seems way too long to wait. I hope he get the job, though.

I had my appointment with the counselor at the Mental Health Department. It was good to finally get in there. She put me in group therapy, but I haven't been able to go because we can't afford to pay for them. My Psych. Eval. is tomorrow. I'm going to go to that and just hope that we get a job before we get the bill. I'm on a sliding fee scale and nothing costs more than $10, but we don't even have that much.

So, to sum everything up, life is pretty hard right now.

My goal for the day is: to do something to make me laugh.

Oh, and here's a picture of what Joseph does whenever I try to use the computer.