New Year's Resolutions

I didn't keep my resolutions from last year. I realized about at the beginning of the month that I'd barely made it half way through the Old Testament. I tried reading whenever I had a free moment, but a couple days ago, when I was only just beginning Isaiah, I decided that it wasn't worth my sanity to try to finish reading the Old Testament. My other goals (writing in my journal every day & completely 2 "merit badges") were not accomplished either. I don't even think I got through January writing every day...

Oh well, it's a New Year! So, I'm going to try again. My resolutions for 2011 are more like projects in a way. Hopefully, I can complete them.

1) Create a Chore Book. It's going to be a binder with the different chores that need to be done around the house, how frequently they need to be done, and how to do them properly. Monetary amounts will also be assigned, so that when the kids are older, they can earn a little money by doing chores. I'll be either putting the pages in page protectors or laminating them so that we can use dry-erase markers to check off what's been done. I'm going to try to add little illustrations and things so that it looks cute and fun because I'm more likely to continue using something that is cute and fun.

2) Complete the Make Love Last merit badge. Basically, I will go on a fun and exciting date with my husband every week for 2 months. There's also some other things along with it, I just don't know what right now.

Possibly... 3) Complete the Bust A Move merit badge. This one means taking dance lessons for at least 3 months and then having a recital or a big dance party at the end. This one is a little harder because it will cost money and that's why I'm not sure about it. I'm hoping to take swing classes with Mitchell, though. I've always wanted to learn to swing dance and dancing is also really good exercise, too.

Motherhood

I am coming to all of you wonderful mothers for help.

Last night, I had a bit of a breakdown. There was lots of crying and frustration. There was so much going through my head. I'm going to try to organize and explain it the best that I can and then, hopefully, you can help me out.

I feel like I am a terrible mother. I feel that I've always had a hard time with it. I don't seem to find the happiness and joy that being a mother gives so many others. But I want that! And lately, I've been finding myself always putting Joseph in front of the tv and getting frustrated with Annabelle for wanting to be held all the time. I'm always trying to find ways to distract them or keep them busy so that I can "get stuff done". I don't like that I do these things, but I'm not sure how to change what I'm doing. I have a hard time feeling like my days are successful unless I can visually see some proof. I keep elaborate lists and charts to keep track of what I do every day so that I don't feel worthless. But parenting isn't something that can be recorded on paper.

So I'm asking you all for help. What can I do to be happy in my role as a mother and put my children first?

Epic Fail

I totally fail at posting on my blog. I didn't finish my things I was grateful for and I haven't been updating on my family. Once again, I'll try to do better. I'm not going to try to catch up on everything, though. There hasn't been that much going on anyways. Mostly just regular days with 2 kids.

Thursday was Joseph's 2nd birthday. Aunt Marianne kindly let us use her basement for a party and we had a great time. The theme was Blue's Clues. Pam, Dutch, Samantha, and Athena all came to the party along with Aunt Marianne, Annemarie, and Julianna. It's so fun that Joseph is 2 now. Here are some pictures:

Pin the Paw on Blue

Mitchell made the awesome banner

Having fun


Blowing out the candle

His 2 cakes that Mitchell and I made

I'm Thankful For...

Speakerphone.

Why? Because I've been able to sit on hold with Medicaid for the past hour and I don't have a stiff neck. And because Joseph can talk to his grandmas and uncles and aunts and cousins. And because I can talk to my mom while I'm doing stuff (except I haven't done that for a long time because Joseph cries for the phone and won't let me).

I'm Thankful For...

My awesome new background made by my cousin, Heather.

Thanks Heather! I love it!

My visiting teachers.

Trouble Being Thankful...

I have to admit that I've been having trouble being thankful the past few days. And it all has to do with money, specifically the lack of money. I've been worrying a lot lately because we don't have any money and there are things that we could really use. Now that Annabelle is here, I have to go back to my old wardrobe, a lot of which is now too small or is not nursing friendly. And Mitchell, Joseph, and I don't have very good winter wardrobes because it didn't get that cold in Virginia. It wouldn't be as big of a deal, except that we have to pay for every load of laundry that we do and it's getting really expensive. And we are suddenly needing to buy WAY more diapers and wipes. I don't even know how we are going to make it to the end of the month. It's seeming very unlikely that we'll be able to buy each other Christmas presents. I don't know what to do... but I can't keep worrying.

I am thankful for Popi and his help which we wouldn't survive without.

I am thankful that we are able to get food stamps, so at least we have PLENTY to eat.

I am thankful that the children have insurance and that I will for about a month longer.

I'm Thankful For...

the Baby Dash N Go carrier that we were able to buy with baby shower gift money.

Annabelle has started to get a little fussier in the past few days. It takes her a while to calm down after she's eaten and she needs lots of rocking. I don't have a rocking chair and I also need to get things done in my house. So now I have the carrier that I can put her in. It usally rocks her to sleep after a bit if I walk around enough. And I have my hands free to get some things done. She's still a little small in it, but it works out okay.