I am coming to all of you wonderful mothers for help.
Last night, I had a bit of a breakdown. There was lots of crying and frustration. There was so much going through my head. I'm going to try to organize and explain it the best that I can and then, hopefully, you can help me out.
I feel like I am a terrible mother. I feel that I've always had a hard time with it. I don't seem to find the happiness and joy that being a mother gives so many others. But I want that! And lately, I've been finding myself always putting Joseph in front of the tv and getting frustrated with Annabelle for wanting to be held all the time. I'm always trying to find ways to distract them or keep them busy so that I can "get stuff done". I don't like that I do these things, but I'm not sure how to change what I'm doing. I have a hard time feeling like my days are successful unless I can visually see some proof. I keep elaborate lists and charts to keep track of what I do every day so that I don't feel worthless. But parenting isn't something that can be recorded on paper.
So I'm asking you all for help. What can I do to be happy in my role as a mother and put my children first?
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All of us have been there! My best advice is to forgive yourself and then go on from there. My second best advice is to realize that you need time alone - even if it's just a 30 minute bath. Lastly, talk to Aunt Marianne. She is close, and always had a way of making me see things differently and with more perspective. You can do this! And remember, the most important things that you will ever do will never be recorded.
ReplyDeleteOne of the best things I did when Bella was little was join a local playgroup. It took me a bit of time an research to find one I liked but in the end it turned out to be such a lifesaver. The playgroups were at local parks or people's houses and Bella could play while I made new friends. Some of my best friends from Las Vegas are because of the playgroup. It was wonderful to meet other Mother's going through the same things as me. The playgroups were set days (W/F) so I knew on those days were would be getting out of the house and it would help break up the week.
ReplyDeleteYour kids are so young and it is alright to struggle with the whole Motherhood thing. It happens to everyone - whether they want to admit it or not.
Like my amazing sisters have said, everyone goes through this. (Their advice is great so I will just add to it.) It is especially rough when you have hormones running through you and making it worse. The best thing I have done is tell myself to let the little things go. I have never been as successful as I am now, but it is the best thing. Also, have set chores on certain days of the week. Then you can spread it throughout the day. Last thing, make sure you have a date with your husband EVERY week. Even when we can't get a sitter we put the kids down and do something together like play a game or watch something and snuggle. It helps to have adult interaction with no distractions especially from your best friend.
ReplyDeleteI haven't been a mommy for very long (only a month) and I already don't know how you are doing it with two! A lot of those feelings can be hooked into your depression, too, even if you are taking medication. You might look at having your dose adjusted. And it never hurts to ask Heavenly Father for help with those things either (I ought to practice what I preach more often!!). He sent you those precious spirits because He knows you are the best mother for them...in fact they probably picked you :) Keep your chin up!
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