Getting Better

Today was a bit better, so I have hope in the progress I am making. I needed a Xanax almost immediately after waking up. I get this feeling like I'm being stretched in too many directions and then I start to freak out a bit. The Xanax helps me to think rationally when I'm so overwhelmed like that. My awesome cousin Emily came and helped again today. She did my dishes, played with the kids, and let me take a nap again. I wish she could come every Monday and Wednesday. I had a lot more patience with the kids today. I was able to make them lunch and I made dinner by myself. We went through their bedtime routine and it went much better. Joseph was asleep by the time I was done singing and Annabelle was asleep within 5 minutes of me leaving the room. I was also able to go visiting teaching for the first time in several months. That felt so great. It feels good that I am getting back to being myself.

All Together Again

This weekend we went to Idaho and picked up the kids from my mom's. Yesterday, we drove home in that crazy weather, but we got home safe and sound. Today was the first full day of us being together as a family. Mitchell was at class from 7:30 until around 3-ish. I did a lot better today compared to how I did the first day we had Charlie home. It was still really hard and I was blessed to have my amazing, cousin Emily come help in the afternoon. She played with Joseph and Annabelle while I took a nap with Charlie. In the evening, we went to Sizzler for dinner as a family. It was pretty nice to be out all together. Right now, the kids are entirely fighting bedtime. So many weeks of constant upheaval have been very hard on them, so rules and routines are pretty much gone. It's going to take some time to get our lives back in order.

The Past Few Weeks...

The past few weeks have been difficult for us. I'm not ready to go into detail, but I do want to share the basics with my family. After going through several days of terrible nausea and anxiety attacks, I was admitted to the Psychiatric Ward in the hospital. That was Christmas night. I was there until the morning of New Year's Eve. I was put on a new antidepressant and given Xanax for anxiety attacks. That night, my mom took all 3 of the kids to Samantha's because I couldn't handle the chaos. They tried coming home on the 5th, but I still wasn't ready, so Joseph and Annabelle went to Idaho with my mom and Charlie went to Ogden with Samantha. I've spent the time resting and relaxing and trying to get back to myself. I've been doing a lot better this week and have been missing my kids a lot. We just got back from picking Charlie up in Ogden. I'll have time to get used to caring for him again before we pick up the other kids next week. Talking about the time leading up to my hospitalization is the most difficult thing for me now along with thinking to far into the future, but I'm mostly doing good now. I welcome text messages (757-353-7511) and visits, but phone calls are harder for me and I usually have to plan ahead for those. I'm grateful for the love, support, and prayers that I have received over the past few weeks.

Charles Dixon Ellis

I had the baby finally! Charles Dixon Ellis was born at 1:31 am on November 23, 2012. He was 8 lbs. 3 oz. and measured 19 inches long. It has taken me the past week to start feeling mostly normal; postpartum stuff is pretty hard for me. It's been good having my mom here to take care of Joseph and Annabelle and they have loved spending so much time with her. She'll be heading home tomorrow to take care of the many things she has neglected while being with us. Charlie is a really good baby, mostly sleeping and eating all the time. He doesn't cry or really make a fuss about anything. Joseph and Annabelle enjoy having a baby brother a lot, especially Joseph. I don't have any pictures to post because Mitchell has done the photo taking with his iphone. Let us know if you want to come for a visit!

Happy Birthday, Annabelle!

Today was Annabelle's 2nd birthday. I can't believe that she was born 2 years ago. In many ways, it seems like she has been with us much longer than that, but it also seems like the time has gone too quickly. She is such a joy in our family and I can't imagine what things would be like without her. She and Joseph are best friends and do everything together. And she has her daddy under her complete control; yesterday, she got 5 cinnamon bears from him because she just kept asking him with such cute faces that he couldn't resist.

We had her birthday party on Saturday so that a lot of family could come. Jason had been staying with us for a couple weeks, my mom drove down, and Samantha and Athena were there. My cousin Emily and her fiancee, Josh, came. Aunt Marianne and Annemarie were able to make it. And we were really excited because Popi and Doreen came up for the party. It was so wonderful to have so many family members with us. 

Jason, Joseph, Popi, Annabelle, Doreen, Samantha, and Athena

It took her a few tries, but she was able to blow out her candles all by herself.

 Opening presents this morning. She was so excited to open everything.

We went to lunch at California Pizza Kitchen, where she got a free birthday meal. This red balloon was just floating by one of the tables across the way when we got there. It eventually floated right over to us all on it's own, and it became her birthday balloon.

Eating her birthday brownie. The whipped cream was her favorite part.

Even though she had some very cranky 2-year-old moments, she had a good birthday. We are all so grateful that she is a part of our family. 

Home School Revisited

After doing lots of thinking and talking with family, I've realized that I don't have to have a strict school schedule for Joseph, which is what I had planned. I don't think Joseph is ready for something like that anyways. As I get more pregnant, I because less able to do something that strict. I have a tendency to go either too far or not enough; I'm terrible at balance. I've always felt like I either have to follow a very strict schedule for things and then I burn myself out and do nothing at all until I've recovered. I think that working on home school is going to be the same for me. I need to find the proper balance for me and my kids. Joseph has forgotten a lot of the stuff that he knew, so he isn't even ready for the program that I had planned. That lets me know that we need to take some time to review and work on the basics again. I think I'll just take time to help him remember his basics, but do it in a way that will be enjoyable for him. Today we played Go Fish! with alphabet cards. It was good seeing that he at least remembers his uppercase letters. Next week, we will start review lowercase. He also did a page in his tracing workbook. His lines aren't as neat as they were and he's forgotten a bit about how to hold the pencil properly, but he's slowly getting better. We also had fun playing Uno and he's good with knowing his numbers. I think I'll just gather a lot of fun ideas for reviewing things and getting him ready for higher level stuff. I'm glad I didn't go out and spend money on a phonics primer and handwriting workbook because it's definitely not time for those. I think we'll review through the end of this year and then see where we are. That will also give me time to get through this pregnancy and have time to get used to another little one in the family.

Home School

For several months, I've been planning on starting a home school Kindergarten program for Joseph. Yesterday was our first day. I don't have the curriculum that I originally planned on starting with, but it turns out it's fine because he's forgotten a lot of his letters and their sounds. He seems to think that school means "playing games", so yesterday he was annoyed when we were reading and practicing letters and their sounds; he was constantly asking, "What game are we going to play now?"

This morning, I had the hardest time waking up because I was so tired. Mitchell doesn't get home from class until after 9 on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but he leaves before 9 in the morning. We obviously wanted to spend time together last night, so we stayed up late. Also, spending the entire day with the kids by myself really wore me out. Today, I have no motivation for doing school with Joseph or really much of anything else. I think I'd be content spending the morning in front of my computer eating a box of Poptarts.

I don't know if taking on the task of schooling Joseph was a bad idea, at least for now. This school semester is going to be trying on Mitchell and on me. I'm also having a baby in 2 1/2 months. But I keep thinking, "If I can't do a simple Kindergarten, then maybe I'm not cut out for homeschooling at all..."

One thing that's good about home schooling for me is that it gives me things to do with Joseph and Annabelle. I've never been very good at spending time WITH my kids. Planning school activities helps me come up with things to actually do stuff with them instead of just letting them do their thing while I do mine. There seem to be a lot of pros and cons for me with doing this home schooling thing, the real problem is deciding what to actually do.