Great Blessings

I just want to say that I am grateful for all of the love, support, and blessings that we have been receiving the last few months. Our ward has reached out and cared for us in so many ways. And Heavenly Father has given me the hope and faith that things will get better soon.

Laundry

I washed a load of laundry by hand today. I filled up my tub, soaked the clothes about an hour, then rinsed and wrung out each piece of clothing. I think the second part took me well over an hour. And my muscles were aching so bad! While I was doing it, I kept thinking about my pioneer ancestors, and how things like that were just the way life was, and how I'm so soft compared to them. I also really wanted to watch Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, since Charlie's mom is a laundry woman. Another thing I was thinking as I was washing was that I didn't put any of Joseph's pants in that load, and he had NO clean ones. I didn't think I'd have the stamina to do another load. While Mitchell was hanging the laundry to dry for me, Amber came over and offered to take the wet ones home to dry and the pants to wash. Her visit was an answer to my prayers!

Craziness

Everything has been so crazy in our lives lately.

Last week, we decided to take one last trip to visit Mitchell's family in Virginia before our move to Texas. Late at night, smack-dab in the middle of Richmond, our car died. Thankfully, Mitchell's mom was driving through Richmond at the same time, so she was able to come pick the kids up. We were able to arrange with USAA to have the car towed to a nearby, reputable repair shop. There was a motel close enough for Mitchell and me to walk to and get a room for the night. In the morning, we found out that our engine was broken, rendering the car useless. So Mitchell's brothers, Grant and Ross, were able to pick us up and take us to their brother, Sam's, house where the kids were.

We arranged for my cousin, Amber, to overnight the title to our car so that we could sell it to a junkyard. And we were able to relax for a week in a small town in Virginia. The kids had the best time with their cousins, and spent hours outside every day. It was so great to kind of get away from all the stress of regular life. On Friday, Ross drove Mitchell back to Richmond, where Mitch was able to sell our poor, little car for $300. On Monday night, his mom took him to get a rental car, and we left very early Tuesday morning. We were able to use the car for less than 24 hours, which made it a lot cheaper, and the price was completely covered with the money we got from junking our car.

While in Virginia, we spent a lot of time pondering, praying, and discussing our situation. We came to the conclusion that Heavenly Father wants us in Georgia for a while longer, so we have decided not to move to Texas. Even though this seems like a very difficult path, as soon as we made the decision, my heart felt so light that I thought I would float away. I know that Heavenly Father is going to bless us to find a way to make things work.

Mitchell has already started applying to pretty much every job within walking distance. We walked to Walgreen's to get some milk and juice, which is 2-miles roundtrip. We have been working closely with several members of our ward, including the Bishop and members of both the Elder's Quorum and Relief Society. We are going to find ways to coordinate rides to grocery stores, places to do laundry, and maybe help getting a bike and/or wagon. We feel so blessed right now as we are learning to stand on our own feet for the first time ever.

Family Night

For FHE, we talked about how Heavenly Father is the King of everything and, since we are His children, we are princes and princesses. And when our spirits "grow up," we can be like him. So then we decorated crowns that said "I am a Child of GOD."

People in my family like to make cool faces...

Striving

The past two months have been very stressful. It's been so hard trying to find our path amid all the adversity that is in front of us. But, as I contemplate how much I have changed in the past two months, I have to be grateful for these trials. 

This is the first time in years that I have felt this close to my Father in Heaven. I am striving daily to be worthy of His spirit so that I can be guided. I have been humbled; I know that we can't do this on our own, so we've been turning to others for help. I am also more willing to sacrifice for the greater good, even if it's just staying up until midnight to get the kitchen clean so that the roaches don't get bad again. 

I'm grateful for the help that we have received from family, friends, our ward family, and even acquaintances. We are truly being blessed by the Lord each day as we try our best to do His will. I know that, in His own time, we will be able to find the work we need and we will be able to provide for ourselves. And I know that while we are working towards that goal, we will grow to become more like the disciples that He would have us be.

Annabelle's Prayer

I helped Annabelle say a personal prayer before she went to bed. She asked for help, but she didn't need too much prompting. It went something like this:

"Father in Heaven...."
"Thank..."
"Thank you for the day. Thank you for cleaning our room. Thank you that I can be with my mom and dad forever. Thank you for the missionaries coming over two days."
"Please..."
"Please bless it."
"Please help.."
"Please help me to be a good girl to my mom. Please help Charlie to be good to mom, too. Please help Joseph to play his video games when he cleans his room. Please........................... okay, that's all. Amen."
"You have to say 'In the name of Jesus Christ.'"
"In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen."

I might have forgotten a few things she said because it was a pretty long prayer. But it was just so cute! And I'm glad she's learning things in Primary and Family Home Evening.

Anxiety

I am SO nervous about starting a new job. I talked to my new boss, Jeff, yesterday, and we decided to have me start next week on Thursday. We postponed because we've got some fun stuff going on for Joseph next week (KinderCamp!). So now I have a week until my job starts, which leaves A LOT of time for me to build up anxiety.

Today, my chest was tight most of the time. Several times, I was close to tears and/or hyperventilating. I've also been sick to my stomach, but I guess it's good that I'm not eating as much? I hate that I feel like this, but it's been something I've dealt with for so many years. I specifically remember feeling like this before attending my first Stake Dance, but I had no idea why I felt so bad.

I don't want to take medication, though, at least not during the day when I need to do stuff. It took me most of the day to just figure out what I needed to do because my brain was working so slow, but I was able to get some good stuff done. My biggest accomplishment was starting a Scripture Journal. I've been feeling prompted to learn more about the Law of Sacrifice, so I decided to start a journal to keep track of what I learn. I'm going to blog more about the journal on my other blog, Searching for a Hobby. Studying about sacrifice has really helped me to feel more comfortable with the idea of working a new job; I'm realizing that I need to make some sacrifices to help my family progress and grow.

I looked over our budget today, and that REALLY helped strengthen my resolve to work. We are in a huge financial hole right now, but if I can work while Mitchell gets freelance work, we might be able to start digging ourselves out.

A New Job

A few weeks ago, I put in a job application with Merry Maids. Shortly afterwards, they contacted me looking to interview me, but it was right when we were leaving for Virginia, so we had to wait. I went in Yesterday for the interview and the Branch Manager wanted to proceed with the process, so I did the mandatory drug test and signed the forms for the background check. I got a call today and everything was approved, so I can start as soon as Monday. 

I'm a bit scared about having a job. I haven't had a job on 5 years, and even then I only worked about 10 hours a week. This job is full-time, Monday through Friday, plus every other Saturday. I start at 8 am and work until around 2 or 3. That's a lot of work! And it's hard work, too. The pay isn't the greatest either.

What I keep reminding myself is that it's a job, which we sorely need. I was hired even though I have almost no work history, no traing, and no education. Where else would I get a job? I feel like this will be a good time in which I'll be able to challenge myself and really work on my own personal progress. I want to prove that I can be strong and useful. I also need this time to help me remember to turn to The Lord in everything I do. I've been really grateful for the support, encouragement, and love I've received from family and friends.

Feeling Better

I've been feeling a lot better the past week. And I attribute it to the Gospel. I've been putting an extra effort in to make sure that I have to Spirit in my life. 

I use a website called HabitRPG that helps build good habits by "gamifying" them. One of the daily habits I have is Morning Prayer because it is something I have always had a hard time remembering. I've gone 2 weeks without missing, though! At first I was thinking it wouldn't help much because I would just be doing it, but I wouldn't be in the right spirit. That's no true, though. The reminder helps me to know I need to do it and ai can take the time to get in the right Spirit. It started out that I didn't want to damage my party members, but now I want that extra support in the morning. 

Mitchell and I have also been listening to Conference talks while we drive to and from his work together. And when it's just me, I listen to the scriptures sometimes. I'm doing that Book of Mormon challenge to read it in the same amount of time that Joseph Smith translated it, so sometimes I need to listen in the car to catch-up. 

We were missing a lot of church for a bit back in March and the beginning of April, but we are back to going regularly. I gave a talk two weeks ago, and yesterday was Mitchell's first week if his new calling, which is teaching the 12-13 year old Sunday School class. We can't miss anymore! 

On Saturday, I went to a wonderful Stake Relief Society Conference. It was called Living in the Latter Days, and Loving It! I really enjoyed the time I spent there and I learned some good things.

I'm so grateful for the Gospel and all the blessings that it brings into my life. I'm grateful to see the increase in blessings as I strive to increase my obedience and righteousness; to me that is proof that God is watching over me.

Spiritual Duty as a Mother

Something that I've been seeing a lot of lately is the discussion about the role of the Priesthood, and how it affects women. It's been on my mind a lot as I read the opinions and feelings of many different people with many different views.  

I've been reading and studying the Doctrine and Covenants lesson on Priesthood lately, and I feel like it addresses this issue so well. It answers my questions and confirms my testimony.

Over and over again, I've read and understood that I am able to have all the blessings of the Priesthood through my diligent study of the scriptures and participation in the ordinances of the gospel. One passage that I have studied multiple times, and that has helped lead me to this understanding, is in Section 84. I feel like these verses describe my duty as a mother.

19 And this greater priesthood administereth the gospel and holdeth the key of the mysteries of the kingdom, even the key of the knowledge of God. 

20 Therefore, in the ordinances thereof, the power of godliness is manifest. 

21 And without the ordinances thereof, and the authority of the priesthood, the power of godliness is not manifest unto men in the flesh;

22 For without this no man can see the face of God, even the Father, and live.

23 Now this Moses plainly taught to the children of Israel in the wilderness, and sought diligently to sanctify his people that they might behold the face of God.

As I have studied and prayed about these verses, I've been lead to know that they are my goal as a mother, to prepare my children, and self, through the power of the priesthood to be worthy to behold the face of God. Through my study, I have learned that, in order to do this, I must teach my children to keep the commandments, to study the scriptures diligently, and to participate in gospel ordinances regularly. Through personal righteousness and regular participation in temple ordinances, every member of my family will the able to access the mysteries of the kingdom, the knowledge of God, and the power of godliness; they will be worthy to behold the face of God.

This is a life-long goal, so my prayer is that I will be able to keep it in the forefront of my mind throughout daily life so that I can help my family progress.

Turning to the Lord

On Tuesday, I had the time to read and study from the scriptures before the kids woke up. I was working through the scripture chain in Lesson 8 of the Doctrine and Covenants study manual, which is about the Restoration of the Priesthood and the governing of the Church through the restored keys. However, as I was marking and reading a couple verses in Section 78, I felt prompted to read the surrounding verses to better understand what I was reading. While doing that, I came across two verses that really touched my heart; they seem perfectly suited to things I've been thinking and feeling lately.

Last week, I felt an increase in my anxiety and depression. Those feelings always lead to a lot of negative thinking. Sometimes it's very difficult to break out of the cycle of negative thoughts to realize that most of what I'm thinking isn't real or true. Sometimes, life feels impossible to me. It feels like I'll never make it through the next year, month, week, or day. But I've been learning to turn to the Lord more, and put myself in his hands to help me when I don't think I can make it on my own.

So these verses were exactly what I needed to hear:

17 Verily, verily, I say unto you, ye are little children, and ye have not as yet understood 

how great blessings the Father hath in his own hands and prepared for you;

18 And ye cannot bear all things now; nevertheless, be of good cheer, for I will lead you along. 

The kingdom is yours and the blessings thereof are yours, and the riches of eternity are yours.

If I keep turning to the Lord in my time of need, as well as during times of strength, He will bless me to keep going, even when it seems impossible. And I someday I will have all the blessings promised to me.

Desiring Motherhood

"Verily, verily, I say unto you, even as you desire of me so it shall be done unto you; and if you desire, you shall be the means of doing much good in this generation." D&C 11:8

It's taken me a little while to think about this as well as find the time to post. When I first read this verse, I knew it applied to how I have been feeling. I know that I need to have a desire to be a good mother. I also know that if I have the desire, I will be blessed to do much good in this world. My patriarchal blessing tells me that some of the greatest work I will do in my life will be done as I am striving to be a mother in Zion. Sometimes it's hard to find the desire, but when I do find it, I feel great about the things I do and the way I feel.

Today, Mitchell and I took the kids to the park and we had a really good talk. I was expressing frustration with knowing how to schedule my day and make time for all the things I feel I need to do. Through that talk, Mitchell helped me realize that all of the side goals and projects that I've been giving myself aren't important when compared with my role of motherhood. He told me that I need to give the kids my time and that will help me become a better mother, not completing tons of projects.

The hardest thing for me is waking up in the morning and remembering that I'm trying to be a mother, not a perfect housekeeper with perfect children. And it's hard remember why I want to be a mother when I'm woken by 3 kids clamoring for my attention. Instead of getting frustrated in that moment, I want to remember these faces and my desire to be the best mother that THEY need.

Prospering as a Family

"Do this thing which I have commanded you, and you shall prosper." D&C 9:13

With Mitchell in college, we are always struggling with money, especially since he hasn't been able to have a steady job since we moved to Utah. Financial problems are so stressful and difficult to handle. Sometimes, it's hard because I feel like most of my dreams and desires are pushed aside because we can't afford to do extra things. I keep wishing for the day when we will really have our own place and we can afford to buy the clothes and things that we need for the kids and ourselves. And, frequently, I get caught up in that wishing and I forget to focus on the present.

I've been studying my scriptures with the purpose of finding help and guidance in being a better mother. As I read that verse in Doctrine and Covenants, I felt it applied to me. I need to stop wishing for all the things that we don't have right now. I need to focus on my kids, on enjoying them, on teaching them, on loving them. If I can do that, if I can keep the Lord's commandment to be a nurturing, righteous mother, He will give us what we need to live happily.

Today we were able to go to Farm Country for our last day with Grammy Ellen. We were able to use some money given to us by family to pay for riding the FrontRunner to Lehi and visiting Farm Country. It was such an exciting experience for the kids to ride the train and they loved Farm Country just as much fun as they always have. They loved seeing the animals and riding the ponies. We were able to ride in a horse-drawn buggy this time, which was really cool and the kids' favorite part. It was a fun day and I'm so glad that I was able to spend it with my family.

New Blog Direction

"Therefore this is thy gift: apply unto it..." D&C 8:4

I've decided to take this blog in a more focused direction. One of my biggest struggles is feeling like I have purpose and knowing where to go with my life. During one of my therapy sessions, my therapist asked me what my ultimate goal was. I took my time to think about the question because it's such a big one, but I still knew it was the first thing that came to my mind: to be the best mom. My whole life, I wanted to be a wife and a mother. Now I am, but I take these blessings for granted too often. My therapist recommended that I keep this ultimate goal in mind when I am trying to figure out what to do with myself or I am getting stuck in the minute details of life. So I've decided to make this blog a way to chronicle my journey towards becoming  a better mother.

 These children are a gift from God and I want to cherish this gift.

Migraine & Missionary Work

I have now had a migraine for 30 hours. It has really not been fun. I've tried a lot of different things, but so far, I've been unsuccessful in getting rid of it. Luckily, some friends have watched Joseph the past 2 afternoons for a few hours and Annabelle has been sleeping a bit better, so I have been able to rest. I really hope it goes away soon because I hate feeling awful. It's harder to be patient with my kids when my head feels like it's splitting. Anyone have any migraine remedies?

*As I'm typing this I have realized that I hadn't even thought of asking for a blessing until now. I'm going to go do that now.*

Oh, so I had a bit if a missionary experience today. We went for lunch at this restaurant we love called Noodles & Company. Mitchell pointed out this guy with enormous muscles, he looked like a body builder, kind of. He was sitting with his family across from our table. They had a daughter who looked about 5 and a son who looked about 18 months. I was just noting how their clothes were so nice, they were all tan and extremely well groomed, and I was thinking how they loooked like they were perfect. Then I noticed that the man was wearing a white t-shirt and it was obvious that he wasn't wearing garments. So then I thought how his family couldn't be perfect because they aren't sealed to each other. We were walking out to the car when the thought came to give them a pass-along car. I was too scared, so Mitchell took it back in and put it on their table. I don't know if anything will come of it, but at least I tried.

I think part of the reason I don't blog very often is that I don't have much to blog about. Life is pretty consistent around here. I'm also not a good storyteller, so things aren't as funny when I try to write them. But practice makes perfect, so I'll keep trying.

I went visiting teaching for the first time in a couple months and it was the first time with my companion since August! We've both been sick a lot, so we haven't been able to go much. It was so great, though. It was awesome to sit and visit with the sister. She's in a situation similar to mine, she just had a baby girl and she has a little boy. I'm so grateful for visiting teaching. It is definitely a thing of God. It really makes me feek the Spirit. I'm glad for the opportunity it gives me to learn and grow. Tomorrow night we will visit our other sister and I'm excited about that.

I'm Thankful For...

Home Teachers who bring me the Sacrament when I'm homebound.

We are trying to follow the advice of our children's doctor, so I won't be taking Annabelle to church until she is 6 weeks old. It's really wonderful that the home teachers are able to bring me the Sacrament. When I was having my leg surgeries, I missed a lot of church. I was just too weak or in too much pain to go to church most of the time. But not once in all those years was I brought the Sacrament. I'm just so grateful that my bishop and my home teachers realize how important it is to me.

Along with not taking Annie to church, we are supposed to avoid having visitors or visiting people who haven't had flu shots or a recent Pertussis booster. We have to keep her covered with a blanket whenever we go to the store or anything. But I can take her outside for short periods of time as long as she is dressed warmly enough. We weren't given any of this advice when Joseph was born and he was born in the winter, too. But I think we were blessed that he didn't get sick. I've been doing a lot of research and the flu, RSV, and Pertussis are all on the rise right now. Those illnesses will probably just make us feel miserable, but they would hospitalize and possibly kill Annabelle. It scares me a little to think that I didn't know any of this when Joseph was born. None of us had flu shots or anything and we started taking him to church and everything immediately. Some people would say that since nothing happened to him, then nothing would happen to Annabelle, but I don't want to take that risk. Heavenly Father will protect us, but He expects us to use our common sense and to listen to the knowledge of those around us. It will be nice once she is 6 weeks old, though, because we won't have to worry as much. And she'll be able to get her first Pertussis shot in January, so that will be nice, too.

I'm Finally Back!

I can't believe it's been nearly 3 months since I posted. I guess I have to apologize. I finally realized that not only am I not doing something relaxing and enjoyable, but I'm keep all of my family and friends out of the loop on what is going on with us. So I'm going to try to go back to posting at least every other day.

We just spent a wonderful 2 days in Manti with Popi and Doreen. It was the first time that Mitchell and Joseph met them. We just had so much fun and didn't want to leave last night, but we are speaking in church today.

Joseph has thrown up twice now, once at 3:00 AM and once at 9:00 AM. I have no idea why he's throwing up. He doesn't have a fever and, once the inital shock of throwing up is over, he's just fine. He's dancing to the Wiggles right now. I don't know if it's okay for me to take him to church, even if it's just Sacrament Meeting. I wouldn't want him throwing up all over the chapel, but Mitchell and I are both supposed to speak.

I'm actually kind of excited about my talk. I used to love giving talks, but the past few years, I've dealt with anxiety that makes me feel really sick when I have to do something like that. Being at Popi's gave me so much peace of mind and I was able to write a wonderful talk. I'm speaking on Seeking Personal Revelation and using Sis. Beck's talk from the April 2010 General Conference as my resource. I feel like Heavenly Father wanted me to speak on this specific topic because it's something that I really need in my life right now. I'm terrible about unconciously filling my life with distractions so that I can't hear promptings and whispers from the Holy Ghost. Preparing for this talk has helped me realize this and now I can work on changing it.

I'm excited to be a blogger again and I'm going to try really hard to keep at it! Now I have to get ready for church.