Annabelle is 4!

Annabelle's birthday was this Wednesday. She had a pretty fun and special day. She received generous amounts of money from some family members, which we were able to use to get her presents and things. She started out the day nice and early, opening her the presents we'd gotten her before Joseph got on the bus. She got the Little People Disney Princess Klip Klop Stable and Klip Klop Ariel.

She and Charlie played with the Little People set for a long time. We finally got them dressed and ready, and we headed out for the day. We went to Walmart where she bought an Elsa dress, which she'd been wanting for quite a while. Then we drove up to the mall. We browsed the Disney Store for a long time before she settled on Elsa and Anna dolls. We found her an Olaf at this awesome store called 2nd and Charles, it's like FYE on crack. We went to McDonald's for lunch, her pick, and Amber came to meet us there. She and Charlie spent a long time playing on the playground, and she got a nice cream to finish off her Happy Meal. We finally went home and she got to watch Frozen with her new dolls.

Soon, we got 3 boxes in the mail, 2 of which were for her! She opened her box from Grammy Ellis while Grammy was on FaceTime. She got lots of beautiful clothes and a pair of pretty Sunday shoes that she says are Elsa shoes. She put the polka-dotted pajamas on and wore them for over 24 hours.

After Joseph was home, we opened the other box from Grandpa and Grandma Brugger. She got Elsa slippers, two more Klip Klop Princesses, and lots of Color Wonder drawing stuff. She also got a much needed pack of panties. She spent almost the rest of the evening coloring with her new stuff. I was so tired from all the activity, plus I caught a respiratory virus, so I went to lay down. Her neighbor friend, Janina, came to play, and they colored, watched Frozen twice more, and just had too much fun while I was resting. Her dinner request was pizza, so we got a Papa John's pizza and breadsticks.she barely ate half her dinner before passing out in bed with her new dolls.

Great Blessings

I just want to say that I am grateful for all of the love, support, and blessings that we have been receiving the last few months. Our ward has reached out and cared for us in so many ways. And Heavenly Father has given me the hope and faith that things will get better soon.

Laundry

I washed a load of laundry by hand today. I filled up my tub, soaked the clothes about an hour, then rinsed and wrung out each piece of clothing. I think the second part took me well over an hour. And my muscles were aching so bad! While I was doing it, I kept thinking about my pioneer ancestors, and how things like that were just the way life was, and how I'm so soft compared to them. I also really wanted to watch Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, since Charlie's mom is a laundry woman. Another thing I was thinking as I was washing was that I didn't put any of Joseph's pants in that load, and he had NO clean ones. I didn't think I'd have the stamina to do another load. While Mitchell was hanging the laundry to dry for me, Amber came over and offered to take the wet ones home to dry and the pants to wash. Her visit was an answer to my prayers!

Craziness

Everything has been so crazy in our lives lately.

Last week, we decided to take one last trip to visit Mitchell's family in Virginia before our move to Texas. Late at night, smack-dab in the middle of Richmond, our car died. Thankfully, Mitchell's mom was driving through Richmond at the same time, so she was able to come pick the kids up. We were able to arrange with USAA to have the car towed to a nearby, reputable repair shop. There was a motel close enough for Mitchell and me to walk to and get a room for the night. In the morning, we found out that our engine was broken, rendering the car useless. So Mitchell's brothers, Grant and Ross, were able to pick us up and take us to their brother, Sam's, house where the kids were.

We arranged for my cousin, Amber, to overnight the title to our car so that we could sell it to a junkyard. And we were able to relax for a week in a small town in Virginia. The kids had the best time with their cousins, and spent hours outside every day. It was so great to kind of get away from all the stress of regular life. On Friday, Ross drove Mitchell back to Richmond, where Mitch was able to sell our poor, little car for $300. On Monday night, his mom took him to get a rental car, and we left very early Tuesday morning. We were able to use the car for less than 24 hours, which made it a lot cheaper, and the price was completely covered with the money we got from junking our car.

While in Virginia, we spent a lot of time pondering, praying, and discussing our situation. We came to the conclusion that Heavenly Father wants us in Georgia for a while longer, so we have decided not to move to Texas. Even though this seems like a very difficult path, as soon as we made the decision, my heart felt so light that I thought I would float away. I know that Heavenly Father is going to bless us to find a way to make things work.

Mitchell has already started applying to pretty much every job within walking distance. We walked to Walgreen's to get some milk and juice, which is 2-miles roundtrip. We have been working closely with several members of our ward, including the Bishop and members of both the Elder's Quorum and Relief Society. We are going to find ways to coordinate rides to grocery stores, places to do laundry, and maybe help getting a bike and/or wagon. We feel so blessed right now as we are learning to stand on our own feet for the first time ever.

Moving, Again.

We are moving again. My dad and Dena have graciously offered to get us a moving truck and let us live with them in Allen. This is a major blessing because we are totally out of money, the only reason we have money in our bank account right now is because we got birthday checks. And we've almost maxed out our credit card trying to stay in Atlanta to find work. It's going to be a big change for everyone, but we are excited to get to spend more time with my dad and family.

Sunday Dinner

We had the missionaries over for dinner today. We've been having them over a lot lately. We are one of the families in the ward closer to their area, and we like their company. Their names are Elder Harding and Elder Luckhoo, and they are both fun guys to talk with. We had a fun conversation about Harry Potter, movies, and all that stuff. We used to always have people over for dinner in Utah, so it's been lonely here because we weren't able to do that for a while. I'm glad we have food stamps, and generous ward members, so that we can share our time and dinner with the elders.

The Good and Bad.

The last few days have been pretty crazy. Last week, I had some kind of virus. I'm pretty sure it was the flu because of the severity of the symptoms and how quickly it went away, but Mitchell says it was a cold. Pretty much everyone else got it, but I had it the worst. And then I threw out my back on Sunday morning, and it's been slowly healing since then. So I've been barely doing the minimum requirements to get my family by.

The best things that have happened were being brought groceries from ward members both yesterday and today. We've also received clothes and a gift card. It has been so amazing how much help we have been receiving from our amazing ward. We also FINALLY got our food stamps card in the mail. And we got an Amazon gift card from our credit card rewards that we are using to get some of those more expensive home supplies like A/C filters and printer ink.

So I guess the point of this all is that there are always great blessings even when it seems like things suck.

Oh, and it was Mitchell's 30th birthday last week. It was fun!

Off-Day

Today was an "off" day for me. I just felt moody and frustrated most of the day. I've been working really hard to be patient with myself, and with the Lord's plan, as we try to figure out what to do. We haven't had much come up in the way of work yet. Mitchell is on his last week/paycheck for the freelance indie game he's been working on. He has been asked to do some illustrations for a friend, so that will be great. But that's all. The only time someone seems interested in hiring me, it would cost more to work there than I'd be getting paid! So we keep applying and keep praying and something will happen when it's time.

On the good side, Joseph has been doing well in school. He's going to a martial arts class several times a week, and it's really helping him with his focus, respect, and discipline, as well as getting energy out. We had a great family home evening with a good lesson and a fun activity. I'm also getting really involved in Joseph's school, so that should be fun.

Striving

The past two months have been very stressful. It's been so hard trying to find our path amid all the adversity that is in front of us. But, as I contemplate how much I have changed in the past two months, I have to be grateful for these trials. 

This is the first time in years that I have felt this close to my Father in Heaven. I am striving daily to be worthy of His spirit so that I can be guided. I have been humbled; I know that we can't do this on our own, so we've been turning to others for help. I am also more willing to sacrifice for the greater good, even if it's just staying up until midnight to get the kitchen clean so that the roaches don't get bad again. 

I'm grateful for the help that we have received from family, friends, our ward family, and even acquaintances. We are truly being blessed by the Lord each day as we try our best to do His will. I know that, in His own time, we will be able to find the work we need and we will be able to provide for ourselves. And I know that while we are working towards that goal, we will grow to become more like the disciples that He would have us be.

Annabelle's Prayer

I helped Annabelle say a personal prayer before she went to bed. She asked for help, but she didn't need too much prompting. It went something like this:

"Father in Heaven...."
"Thank..."
"Thank you for the day. Thank you for cleaning our room. Thank you that I can be with my mom and dad forever. Thank you for the missionaries coming over two days."
"Please..."
"Please bless it."
"Please help.."
"Please help me to be a good girl to my mom. Please help Charlie to be good to mom, too. Please help Joseph to play his video games when he cleans his room. Please........................... okay, that's all. Amen."
"You have to say 'In the name of Jesus Christ.'"
"In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen."

I might have forgotten a few things she said because it was a pretty long prayer. But it was just so cute! And I'm glad she's learning things in Primary and Family Home Evening.

A Day to Relax

I sort of took the day off today. I've been doing so many important things as well as a lot if housework this week, so I had earned a lot of gold on HabitRPG. I did use the morning to find out what stage our Food Stamps application is in, and to go over the budget for July and begin August's budget. We went to Kroger and got some WIC things. Then we decided to treat ourselves to Zaxby's for lunch. Sometimes it's just nice to do something a little special. I took a nice, long nap with Charlie after lunch. And we had breakfast for dinner with scrambled eggs, homemade turkey sausage, and Peanut-Butter-and-Banana pancakes. I did clean up the kitchen completely, and I put in two more job applications. So I didn't waste the day, I enjoyed it. 

We have a little hope right now with the freelance job Mitchell has been working on. If the game is picked up to be developed, he will have full-time employment with them. I'll be praying really hard for this, but I'm always keeping in mind that we follow whatever path The Lord shows to us.

Busy, Busy

Today was one of those exhausting days where my whole body Is aching by the end of it. But I did so many good things! 

I got a bunch of organizing done in my living room and dining room, which I'm not going to describe here because there's a whole post about it on my other blog. 

We went to the WIC office to pick up our next set of checks, then we went to Kroger to get a few things. 

I've decided to do research into subjects I'm curious about studying in school, so I've been doing my own history study, starting with the Paleolithic era. I read a few articles about Paleolithic art, and I watched a couple PBS documentaries about Neanderthals while I was making dinner and cleaning up afterwards.

I made chili and cornbread for dinner, but doubled the chili recipe because we were feeding the Elders. It was a bit hectic getting all the food ready, setting up tables and chairs, and serving everybody. It was because in addition to those basic tasks, there were a few other things adding to the chaos. It was pouring rain, so Mitchell opened the door for the cool air to come in, but Annabelle and Charlie went and played in it, and Annabelle was so wet that I had to help her change. The AC was turned off since the door was open, but it was like 85 degrees inside, so I was trying to set up the fan to help everyone keep cool. The kids were hungry, so they were whiny. AND, I wanted to be able to keep up with the conversation. It was all fun, though, and I'm really glad we were able to feed them. 

I'm really grateful that today was so busy. It's nice to prove to myself that I am capable of completing several projects as well as multitasking; sometimes I'm too hard on myself, and sometimes I just have bad days. But today was real-life proof that I am capable of the jobs I've been applying for!

Anxiety

I am SO nervous about starting a new job. I talked to my new boss, Jeff, yesterday, and we decided to have me start next week on Thursday. We postponed because we've got some fun stuff going on for Joseph next week (KinderCamp!). So now I have a week until my job starts, which leaves A LOT of time for me to build up anxiety.

Today, my chest was tight most of the time. Several times, I was close to tears and/or hyperventilating. I've also been sick to my stomach, but I guess it's good that I'm not eating as much? I hate that I feel like this, but it's been something I've dealt with for so many years. I specifically remember feeling like this before attending my first Stake Dance, but I had no idea why I felt so bad.

I don't want to take medication, though, at least not during the day when I need to do stuff. It took me most of the day to just figure out what I needed to do because my brain was working so slow, but I was able to get some good stuff done. My biggest accomplishment was starting a Scripture Journal. I've been feeling prompted to learn more about the Law of Sacrifice, so I decided to start a journal to keep track of what I learn. I'm going to blog more about the journal on my other blog, Searching for a Hobby. Studying about sacrifice has really helped me to feel more comfortable with the idea of working a new job; I'm realizing that I need to make some sacrifices to help my family progress and grow.

I looked over our budget today, and that REALLY helped strengthen my resolve to work. We are in a huge financial hole right now, but if I can work while Mitchell gets freelance work, we might be able to start digging ourselves out.

Father's Day

Ah! I can't believe I missed a whole week!

The Obstacle:

I had 3 migraines this week, including one today. The first two were on Monday and Tuesday. They an be pretty debilitating. Thankfully, I don't throw up when I have migraines.

The Blessing:

When the migraine started coming on today, I started to apply my oils. I put the Deep Blue Rub across my forehead, down my temples, and under my eye on the cheekbone. I followed that with Frankincense, and then Serenity. I made sure to massage it into my temples really well. Then I got a wet washcloth and put it over my eyes. I also had it on the back of my neck for a bit, and then on my forehead. I went and layed down on my bed with the washcloth on my forehead and my sunglasses on. I remembered my mom telling me how my Popi would listen to classical music when he had a migraine, and when I was really little I loved being with him. So I put a classical music station on my Pandora and just listened. After about 30 minutes, the kids were starving and couldn't stand me being in my room any longer, so I came out and started dinner with my sunglasses still on, but I was soon able to take them off because I felt so much better. And I've had hardly any hangover symptoms or anything.

The Celebrating:

Happy Father's Day! Mitchell spoke in church today, and everyone enjoyed his talk. Charlie especially loved seeing his "Dah" up on the stand. At lunch, we gave Mitchell his Father's Day present. Then we had a relaxing, low-key evening. I had the kids do interviews again this year. 

Mitchell's cards and gift, a rubber chicken. The Superman card plays the theme song when you open it; Joseph is obsessed with cards that have music and would not rest until we found a cool one for Dad, thankfully it only took about 15 minutes. When you open the other card, Tramp scootches closer to Lady so they're kissing; it was just too cute to pass up. And the rubber chicken is basically a 6-year, running joke in our family.

Frustration, but Fun, too.

The Frustrating:

I spent most of the morning on the phone with various people trying to sort out the problem with my Cymbalta. And I'm still not sure if I made progress. Hopefully, the doctor will just put in the Prior Authorization, but the message that came across to me is that she would rather just switch my medication. I'm worried about switching without regular medication management. Normally, if your meds are switched, you go in every 2-3 weeks until you are stable, but my insurance ends on the 30th, so I don't have long. It is true that I've done really well this week on the Prozac, so maybe that's a sign...

The Blessing:

I'm so grateful that I haven't been sick from missing my Cymbalta. Usually, I my muscles are really sore, my head hurts continually, and I'm nauseated like I have a stomach bug. I've just been continuously amazed and grateful that I'm not suffering like that.

The Fun:

It's Friday night, so Mitchell and I could just hang out with worrying about work tomorrow. We were able to play a video game together for a couple hours and just have fun.

Play Group and Too Much Sun

The Stupid:
So, I read this article in Psychology Today that talked about the link between depression and vitamin D deficiency. And it said that sunscreen prevents the body from absorbing vitamin D. So, like the smart woman I am, I decided to not wear any sunscreen while we were at play group today. Play group was 3 hours at the pool. My back, shoulders, and upper arms are completely pink and sore. It's annoying, but it's really my own fault.

The Awesome:
I have been feeling surprisingly great this week. I thought I'd be bed-ridden with the "discontinuation syndrome" that usually comes if I miss my Cymbalta. But the Prozac and Wellbutrin have helped me get past any problems. I'm just so grateful for how well I've been dealing with this.

The Fun: 
The kids and I went to play group today. It was hosted at the neighborhood pool of a friend in the ward. It was SO much fun! I didn't take a single picture because I was too busy having fun and enjoying the kids. There were a couple times that I thought about getting the iPad out, but I felt like it would have ruined the special moment that we were having. It took all three of the kids a while to warm up to the water, but that was expected seeing that the last time they were in a pool Joseph was only 2 1/2 and Annabelle was about 9 months; Charlie wasn't even a thought in our minds! Eventually they all got very comfortable in the water and had tons of fun playing. Joseph ended up loving it the most, which I totally wasn't expecting. He's normally very cautious and he doesn't like water very much, so it was a surprise when he stayed in the longest and played the most. My absolute favorite part was the giggles and pure joy that came out when he was using arm floaties for the first time in the deeper water. He just loved that he could be in the water like that. I'm planning on getting them each their own floaties so they can play more next week.

Doctor Visit and Medicine Troubles

The Frustrations:

Since we moved to Georgia, I've been getting my Cymbalta from my FIL. He's cleaned out his office's samples for me over the past few months. When I tried to fill my prescription last month, the pharmacy told me that my insurance wouldn't be effective until May. So I finally went to fill it again today. And now there is no record of me in the company's system at all. We are paying $500 a month for nothing! All of this insurance crap is just so frustrating to me. Why does being an adult have to be so complicated? I'll be giving the consultant a call tomorrow to straighten everything out. 

Also, I'm pretty sure I'm getting a cold. Charlie was sick yesterday and today, and I think he gave it to me. My throat has been scratchy and sore, and I'm aching more than usual. I don't want to be sick! 

The Blessings:

Earlier in the month, I received a doTERRA order that I had placed, but one of the items was the wrong thing. I didn't call right away because my MIL was visiting and I didn't want to take time away from her. Then I just kept forgetting to call. So I finally called today. I was worried they wouldn't be able to help me because it's been almost 3 weeks since the order processed, but they were. They are sending me the correct item tomorrow, and I get to keep the other item free of charge! And it's a bottle of an essential oil blend that I use regularly that's worth $15! That was some really good news.

This second one is difficult to think of... I think it's a blessing that I was much more patient with my kids than usual. I only got frustrated with them a couple times, after they were just completely ignoring everything I was saying.

The Accomplishment:

I went to a doctor appointment today, with all three kids in tow. I stayed pretty patient with them, dispute them being pretty wild, but I just worked really hard to reign them in without yelling. At the appointment, they drew blood to test my thyroid levels, kidney & liver functions, and iron levels. They are also starting me on Wellbutrin, once the insurance lets me pick up my prescriptions... Anyway, it feels good to be on the oath to better health.

I made it the whole day without playing any video games. To put this in perspective, I've been playing games every day for at least an hour a day lately. Yesterday, I played almost the whole day and barely even stopped for meals.

Feeling Better

I've been feeling a lot better the past week. And I attribute it to the Gospel. I've been putting an extra effort in to make sure that I have to Spirit in my life. 

I use a website called HabitRPG that helps build good habits by "gamifying" them. One of the daily habits I have is Morning Prayer because it is something I have always had a hard time remembering. I've gone 2 weeks without missing, though! At first I was thinking it wouldn't help much because I would just be doing it, but I wouldn't be in the right spirit. That's no true, though. The reminder helps me to know I need to do it and ai can take the time to get in the right Spirit. It started out that I didn't want to damage my party members, but now I want that extra support in the morning. 

Mitchell and I have also been listening to Conference talks while we drive to and from his work together. And when it's just me, I listen to the scriptures sometimes. I'm doing that Book of Mormon challenge to read it in the same amount of time that Joseph Smith translated it, so sometimes I need to listen in the car to catch-up. 

We were missing a lot of church for a bit back in March and the beginning of April, but we are back to going regularly. I gave a talk two weeks ago, and yesterday was Mitchell's first week if his new calling, which is teaching the 12-13 year old Sunday School class. We can't miss anymore! 

On Saturday, I went to a wonderful Stake Relief Society Conference. It was called Living in the Latter Days, and Loving It! I really enjoyed the time I spent there and I learned some good things.

I'm so grateful for the Gospel and all the blessings that it brings into my life. I'm grateful to see the increase in blessings as I strive to increase my obedience and righteousness; to me that is proof that God is watching over me.

Anxiety

Today was a hard day. The past few days I'd been noticing a little more depression and anxiety; today was like the climax of all the anxiety. I started having one of my anxiety attacks, which was worse than any I've had in several months. I ended up needing to take some Xanax in order to calm myself down. It was hard for me to do that. I was starting to feel proud of myself because I haven't had to take any since May, so I felt like a failure taking it. Mitchell really helped me feel better about it, though. He helped me remember that sometimes we just have bad days or we have setbacks, and that's normal, so I'm not a failure for needing help managing my anxiety sometimes. We went for a nice walk in the canyon after I'd calmed down. Then we had lunch at Chick-Fil-A and bought cupcakes at the Sweet Tooth Fairy. I took a long nap with Charlie when we came home. After I woke up, Mitchell and I put candles in our cupcakes and we finally sang Happy Birthday to ourselves. Even though the day started out bad, it did end well, and I'm grateful for that. I'm grateful for the support of my husband and for the things I've learned as I've dealt with my depression and anxiety the last several months. I know that I can continue getting better and getting stronger, as long as I rely on the Lord.

Prospering as a Family

"Do this thing which I have commanded you, and you shall prosper." D&C 9:13

With Mitchell in college, we are always struggling with money, especially since he hasn't been able to have a steady job since we moved to Utah. Financial problems are so stressful and difficult to handle. Sometimes, it's hard because I feel like most of my dreams and desires are pushed aside because we can't afford to do extra things. I keep wishing for the day when we will really have our own place and we can afford to buy the clothes and things that we need for the kids and ourselves. And, frequently, I get caught up in that wishing and I forget to focus on the present.

I've been studying my scriptures with the purpose of finding help and guidance in being a better mother. As I read that verse in Doctrine and Covenants, I felt it applied to me. I need to stop wishing for all the things that we don't have right now. I need to focus on my kids, on enjoying them, on teaching them, on loving them. If I can do that, if I can keep the Lord's commandment to be a nurturing, righteous mother, He will give us what we need to live happily.

Today we were able to go to Farm Country for our last day with Grammy Ellen. We were able to use some money given to us by family to pay for riding the FrontRunner to Lehi and visiting Farm Country. It was such an exciting experience for the kids to ride the train and they loved Farm Country just as much fun as they always have. They loved seeing the animals and riding the ponies. We were able to ride in a horse-drawn buggy this time, which was really cool and the kids' favorite part. It was a fun day and I'm so glad that I was able to spend it with my family.