Missing Church

It's been nearly a month since I've been to church. Every Sunday, either the kids are sick or I am. I'm so ready for all of this illness to leave our home. I've been working hard on getting things cleaner, but I don't know if it's doing much good. I just really want to be well enough to go to church next Sunday.

Crazy, Sick Kids

It has been a crazy month for our family health-wise. Mitchell had to take Joseph to the ER at the beginning of the month while I was out of town, and Joseph had some pretty bad bronchitis. He had to take antibiotics, use an inhaler and a nebulizer, and it was all pretty crazy. He is still coughing regularly, so we have to use the inhaler sometimes before school.

Annabelle and Mitchell had the same respiratory infection that started Joseph's bronchitis. And Charlie and I caught it once we were back in town. There was lots of coughing and a bit of misery for the first part of the month. Charlie is still coughing pretty badly and I'm still coughing a bit.

On Thursday, I noticed Charlie's eye looked pink and there was a lot of goop in the corners. Annabelle's 4 year well-check was the next morning, so I just had him seen at the same time. The doctor checked his lungs and his eye, but he seemed to be just fine.

Friday evening, while I was making dinner, Charlie threw up all over the little, neighbor girl, Janina, while she was playing at our house. I stripped him down and took his temperature, but he was asleep before I even finished. His temp was just around 100 degrees, so I didn't think it was a big deal. He slept on my bed for about an hour and a half. When he woke up, he was burning up, so I took his temp again and it had risen to 102.5 degrees. He seemed pretty lethargic and delirious, so I was initially very worried. I was about to take him to the ER, but I felt like I should clean him up first and try to cool him down a bit. We spent about 40 minutes in the shower, just sitting in the water, until we ran out of hot water. I kept asking him if he wanted to get out and lay in the bed, but he would just say, "uh-uh." He just laid in my lap with his eyes closed and swished his hand in the water. When we were finally out of hot water, I got him out, dried him off, and dressed him. And his fever was WAY down. He was also talking to me normally, telling me he was hungry and asking for drinks. He had apple juice and watched PBS with the kids until really late. Annabelle came into the room crying shortly after the shower because her ear was hurting. I gave her ibuprofen and a heating pad to rest on. Sometime while watching PBS, and I was washing the dishes from dinner, Charlie threw up just a little bit on the floor next to my bed. But by the time Mitchell got home from work, around 10:30, Charlie was jumping on the bed and playing as if nothing had happened. He slept on the floor next to me that night, and kept me up with his coughing. I kept thinking he was going to throw up again, but he just had so much drainage running down his throat that he was trying to cough up. He didn't even wake up for any of his coughing fits!

I had planned on taking the kids to Boo at the Zoo Saturday morning, but after the evening's ordeal, I figured that wasn't a good idea. But then all the kids seemed just fine! They played and did all their normal stuff. I figured they were all feeling better, so I started trying to get everything ready for church the next day. I let Charlie sleep next to me again, and he was coughing most of the night again. Joseph was also coughing a lot during the night, and Annabelle needed more ibuprofen for her ear.

By morning, I just felt like I should give them a little longer to get better, so Mitchell went to church without us. When Charlie got up, I noticed a patch of red bug bites on his ankle. I figured he'd rolled on a spider or something on my floor because our house is full of bugs. When Annabelle woke up, we noticed one of her eyes was pink looking. And she had a runny nose and cough. When I went to change Charlie's diaper, I found patches of the "bug bites" all over his body, and that's when I realized they were hives. He had them all over and was scratching a lot, so I gave him some Benadryl. He was also getting warm again, so Mitchell had me give him some Tylenol. About 2 hours after the Tylenol, his temp was around 100.2 degrees, so I wonder what it would have been if we hadn't given him the Tylenol. The rest of the day went fine, but at bedtime, Joseph kept saying he was itchy. I checked and he was covered with patches of hives, too! I gave him Benadryl before bed, and Annabelle needed ibuprofen again.

This morning, Joseph's hives were gone, but Charlie still had his and Annabelle had some. At 9 am, I called the doctor's office and made an appointment for all three of them. I was worried about Joseph being contagious because of the hives/rash being on all three kids, so I had him pulled out of class to wait in the nurse's office until I could get there.

They were extremely ill-behaved at the doctor's office. I couldn't believe how rowdy, loud, and disrespectful they were being! I spent the whole appointment trying to keep them under control (and failing) while trying to answer all the doctor's and nurse's questions. After looking at them, the doctor told me they all had ear infections, and Joseph had fluid in BOTH of his ears. That would also explain a lot of the other stuff going on. It's possible to get hives from viruses, so we are thinking that is what is causing their hives. They are going to all be on antibiotics, plus we are getting eye drops for the pink eye. I was instructed to continue with the inhaler for Joseph as needed, and to use Benadryl for the hives, as needed.

Right now, Joseph and Charlie are playing out on the front porch --it's 85 degrees today!-- and Annabelle is sleeping after a dose of Benadryl. I just wish all three of them were sleeping so that I could, too! The past few days have been exhausting!

Stress

Today was stressful. I'm trying to be patient because I know it's going to be stressful until we have things worked out. I just pray that we can find peace through the stress.

Craziness

Everything has been so crazy in our lives lately.

Last week, we decided to take one last trip to visit Mitchell's family in Virginia before our move to Texas. Late at night, smack-dab in the middle of Richmond, our car died. Thankfully, Mitchell's mom was driving through Richmond at the same time, so she was able to come pick the kids up. We were able to arrange with USAA to have the car towed to a nearby, reputable repair shop. There was a motel close enough for Mitchell and me to walk to and get a room for the night. In the morning, we found out that our engine was broken, rendering the car useless. So Mitchell's brothers, Grant and Ross, were able to pick us up and take us to their brother, Sam's, house where the kids were.

We arranged for my cousin, Amber, to overnight the title to our car so that we could sell it to a junkyard. And we were able to relax for a week in a small town in Virginia. The kids had the best time with their cousins, and spent hours outside every day. It was so great to kind of get away from all the stress of regular life. On Friday, Ross drove Mitchell back to Richmond, where Mitch was able to sell our poor, little car for $300. On Monday night, his mom took him to get a rental car, and we left very early Tuesday morning. We were able to use the car for less than 24 hours, which made it a lot cheaper, and the price was completely covered with the money we got from junking our car.

While in Virginia, we spent a lot of time pondering, praying, and discussing our situation. We came to the conclusion that Heavenly Father wants us in Georgia for a while longer, so we have decided not to move to Texas. Even though this seems like a very difficult path, as soon as we made the decision, my heart felt so light that I thought I would float away. I know that Heavenly Father is going to bless us to find a way to make things work.

Mitchell has already started applying to pretty much every job within walking distance. We walked to Walgreen's to get some milk and juice, which is 2-miles roundtrip. We have been working closely with several members of our ward, including the Bishop and members of both the Elder's Quorum and Relief Society. We are going to find ways to coordinate rides to grocery stores, places to do laundry, and maybe help getting a bike and/or wagon. We feel so blessed right now as we are learning to stand on our own feet for the first time ever.

Moving, Again.

We are moving again. My dad and Dena have graciously offered to get us a moving truck and let us live with them in Allen. This is a major blessing because we are totally out of money, the only reason we have money in our bank account right now is because we got birthday checks. And we've almost maxed out our credit card trying to stay in Atlanta to find work. It's going to be a big change for everyone, but we are excited to get to spend more time with my dad and family.

The Good and Bad.

The last few days have been pretty crazy. Last week, I had some kind of virus. I'm pretty sure it was the flu because of the severity of the symptoms and how quickly it went away, but Mitchell says it was a cold. Pretty much everyone else got it, but I had it the worst. And then I threw out my back on Sunday morning, and it's been slowly healing since then. So I've been barely doing the minimum requirements to get my family by.

The best things that have happened were being brought groceries from ward members both yesterday and today. We've also received clothes and a gift card. It has been so amazing how much help we have been receiving from our amazing ward. We also FINALLY got our food stamps card in the mail. And we got an Amazon gift card from our credit card rewards that we are using to get some of those more expensive home supplies like A/C filters and printer ink.

So I guess the point of this all is that there are always great blessings even when it seems like things suck.

Oh, and it was Mitchell's 30th birthday last week. It was fun!

Debating

I have trouble focusing on multiple big projects because I prefer to put all my energy into one project at a time. Lately, I've been struggling between job hunting and home organization. We need some kind of income, which is why I've been trying to spend time looking for jobs, but I'm starting to feel pretty discouraged. My house is also in complete chaos because I just haven't had time and/or energy to take care of everything.

Part of me is feeling like I have to make a decision between the two options. This thought especially came up yesterday when I started brainstorming what I thought was an amazing idea, but now I'm just worried it's too complicated. I joined a website that helps you with service-type business with a pet care service. I was pretty excited thinking I could start pet sitting and dog-walking, and then I was thinking about eventually expanding to party planning, decorating, and other interests. But then I found out you have to pay to send quotes to the different job ads. So I lost my momentum...

I just don't know if I should continue to try dividing my attention, or if I should focus on one thing at a time. And should I try to pursue this pet business idea through different avenues? I don't know... Why do I have to be so indecisive?!

Off Duty

You know those nights when you just can't handle anymore? That was me tonight. At around 8:45, I announced to the house that I was "off duty" and would not be doing anymore responsible things. I managed to convince myself to wash my makeup off and brush my teeth. I even managed to read a couple pages from the Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith for my gospel study. And I'm only blogging because I needed to rant a little bit. And, I've been having a lot of abdominal pain, which I'm sure is contributing to my crankiness.

Off-Day

Today was an "off" day for me. I just felt moody and frustrated most of the day. I've been working really hard to be patient with myself, and with the Lord's plan, as we try to figure out what to do. We haven't had much come up in the way of work yet. Mitchell is on his last week/paycheck for the freelance indie game he's been working on. He has been asked to do some illustrations for a friend, so that will be great. But that's all. The only time someone seems interested in hiring me, it would cost more to work there than I'd be getting paid! So we keep applying and keep praying and something will happen when it's time.

On the good side, Joseph has been doing well in school. He's going to a martial arts class several times a week, and it's really helping him with his focus, respect, and discipline, as well as getting energy out. We had a great family home evening with a good lesson and a fun activity. I'm also getting really involved in Joseph's school, so that should be fun.

Battle of the Roaches

We've been waging an all-out battle this week against the cockroaches that have infested our kitchen. We completely emptied the kitchen out and used THREE foggers, one on Monday and two on Wednesday. We spent yesterday afternoon sweeping up all the dead roaches and spraying all the ones that were still alive. We spent all day today cleaning the kitchen and putting everything back in very orderly. It made me happy all afternoon to look at my kitchen because it finally feels like we "moved in" to it.

That happiness has been short lived, however. We are continuously finding more roaches in there. We used all the foggers the landlord gave us, sprayed nearly the entire kitchen, and put boric acid down anywhere the roaches would be and the kids wouldn't. So why are there still so many roaches?! And what are we supposed to do now? The landlord just keeps saying we need to spray more, but we can't spray INSIDE of the walls and countertops and cabinet crannies in which these roaches are hiding. My frustration was doubled when I found two adult roaches in our dining room cabinet where I keep all my favorite books and special items.

I think we're losing the war...

Fried Brain

That's how my mind feels right now, fried. I just finished redoing my resume and cover letter so that they are both PDFs and small enough to upload to different websites. It took a lot of thought, and some help from Mitchell, but I finally got it taken care of. Now I can apply to jobs more easily, and my resume better reflects my skills and experience, so maybe someone will want to hire me now!

My brain is also fried because I'm worrying A LOT. We are still at a point where we have no idea what's going to happen at the end of August. Today we confirmed with our landlord that we are planning to move out. But we don't have plans to move anywhere. It's all just very scary and frustrating. It's definitely a trial of my faith and my patience, but I feel more spiritually in-tune than I've felt in a very long time, so I'm grateful for that.

Still Thinking

I've been continuing to look into schools and such. I found that I could possibly get an Associate's Degree at Chattahoochee Technical College, which is here in Marietta. That's the cheapest option of course, but that's the only cheap option in Georgia; BYU is significantly cheaper than any 4-year colleges around here. And, to be honest, I really just want to go to BYU. I love the atmosphere there, and I love having the Gospel integrated into all my classes. 

Right now, it seems I'm the only one focused on school; most of the advice I keep hearing is to wait until the kids are older. While this isn't what I want, and I'm not even sure it's right for me at this time, I've decided not to push things. I'm going to continue my "journey" of self-discovery, so that when the times comes, I'll know the direction that I want to go in.

My plan for the next few weeks is to prepare my family and my home for the beginning of school and a possible job.

Neck Pain

A bit after waking up this morning, my neck started feeling stiff. Within an hour of that, I couldn't turn my head. Eventually, it got to the point where I couldn't move my back or anything. We've been using Deep Blue with massage, heating packs, and ibuprofen, but I spent pretty much the whole day in bed. I'm just trying to find different positions to alleviate the pain. It seems to be stemming from the 7th vertebra, at least that's what Mitchell said. He was massing my back and neck, but when he touched there it was intense pain. I'm hoping that my day of rest helps it heal so that I can be more productive tomorrow.

Anxiety

I am SO nervous about starting a new job. I talked to my new boss, Jeff, yesterday, and we decided to have me start next week on Thursday. We postponed because we've got some fun stuff going on for Joseph next week (KinderCamp!). So now I have a week until my job starts, which leaves A LOT of time for me to build up anxiety.

Today, my chest was tight most of the time. Several times, I was close to tears and/or hyperventilating. I've also been sick to my stomach, but I guess it's good that I'm not eating as much? I hate that I feel like this, but it's been something I've dealt with for so many years. I specifically remember feeling like this before attending my first Stake Dance, but I had no idea why I felt so bad.

I don't want to take medication, though, at least not during the day when I need to do stuff. It took me most of the day to just figure out what I needed to do because my brain was working so slow, but I was able to get some good stuff done. My biggest accomplishment was starting a Scripture Journal. I've been feeling prompted to learn more about the Law of Sacrifice, so I decided to start a journal to keep track of what I learn. I'm going to blog more about the journal on my other blog, Searching for a Hobby. Studying about sacrifice has really helped me to feel more comfortable with the idea of working a new job; I'm realizing that I need to make some sacrifices to help my family progress and grow.

I looked over our budget today, and that REALLY helped strengthen my resolve to work. We are in a huge financial hole right now, but if I can work while Mitchell gets freelance work, we might be able to start digging ourselves out.

Father's Day

Ah! I can't believe I missed a whole week!

The Obstacle:

I had 3 migraines this week, including one today. The first two were on Monday and Tuesday. They an be pretty debilitating. Thankfully, I don't throw up when I have migraines.

The Blessing:

When the migraine started coming on today, I started to apply my oils. I put the Deep Blue Rub across my forehead, down my temples, and under my eye on the cheekbone. I followed that with Frankincense, and then Serenity. I made sure to massage it into my temples really well. Then I got a wet washcloth and put it over my eyes. I also had it on the back of my neck for a bit, and then on my forehead. I went and layed down on my bed with the washcloth on my forehead and my sunglasses on. I remembered my mom telling me how my Popi would listen to classical music when he had a migraine, and when I was really little I loved being with him. So I put a classical music station on my Pandora and just listened. After about 30 minutes, the kids were starving and couldn't stand me being in my room any longer, so I came out and started dinner with my sunglasses still on, but I was soon able to take them off because I felt so much better. And I've had hardly any hangover symptoms or anything.

The Celebrating:

Happy Father's Day! Mitchell spoke in church today, and everyone enjoyed his talk. Charlie especially loved seeing his "Dah" up on the stand. At lunch, we gave Mitchell his Father's Day present. Then we had a relaxing, low-key evening. I had the kids do interviews again this year. 

Mitchell's cards and gift, a rubber chicken. The Superman card plays the theme song when you open it; Joseph is obsessed with cards that have music and would not rest until we found a cool one for Dad, thankfully it only took about 15 minutes. When you open the other card, Tramp scootches closer to Lady so they're kissing; it was just too cute to pass up. And the rubber chicken is basically a 6-year, running joke in our family.

Frustration, but Fun, too.

The Frustrating:

I spent most of the morning on the phone with various people trying to sort out the problem with my Cymbalta. And I'm still not sure if I made progress. Hopefully, the doctor will just put in the Prior Authorization, but the message that came across to me is that she would rather just switch my medication. I'm worried about switching without regular medication management. Normally, if your meds are switched, you go in every 2-3 weeks until you are stable, but my insurance ends on the 30th, so I don't have long. It is true that I've done really well this week on the Prozac, so maybe that's a sign...

The Blessing:

I'm so grateful that I haven't been sick from missing my Cymbalta. Usually, I my muscles are really sore, my head hurts continually, and I'm nauseated like I have a stomach bug. I've just been continuously amazed and grateful that I'm not suffering like that.

The Fun:

It's Friday night, so Mitchell and I could just hang out with worrying about work tomorrow. We were able to play a video game together for a couple hours and just have fun.

Doctor Visit and Medicine Troubles

The Frustrations:

Since we moved to Georgia, I've been getting my Cymbalta from my FIL. He's cleaned out his office's samples for me over the past few months. When I tried to fill my prescription last month, the pharmacy told me that my insurance wouldn't be effective until May. So I finally went to fill it again today. And now there is no record of me in the company's system at all. We are paying $500 a month for nothing! All of this insurance crap is just so frustrating to me. Why does being an adult have to be so complicated? I'll be giving the consultant a call tomorrow to straighten everything out. 

Also, I'm pretty sure I'm getting a cold. Charlie was sick yesterday and today, and I think he gave it to me. My throat has been scratchy and sore, and I'm aching more than usual. I don't want to be sick! 

The Blessings:

Earlier in the month, I received a doTERRA order that I had placed, but one of the items was the wrong thing. I didn't call right away because my MIL was visiting and I didn't want to take time away from her. Then I just kept forgetting to call. So I finally called today. I was worried they wouldn't be able to help me because it's been almost 3 weeks since the order processed, but they were. They are sending me the correct item tomorrow, and I get to keep the other item free of charge! And it's a bottle of an essential oil blend that I use regularly that's worth $15! That was some really good news.

This second one is difficult to think of... I think it's a blessing that I was much more patient with my kids than usual. I only got frustrated with them a couple times, after they were just completely ignoring everything I was saying.

The Accomplishment:

I went to a doctor appointment today, with all three kids in tow. I stayed pretty patient with them, dispute them being pretty wild, but I just worked really hard to reign them in without yelling. At the appointment, they drew blood to test my thyroid levels, kidney & liver functions, and iron levels. They are also starting me on Wellbutrin, once the insurance lets me pick up my prescriptions... Anyway, it feels good to be on the oath to better health.

I made it the whole day without playing any video games. To put this in perspective, I've been playing games every day for at least an hour a day lately. Yesterday, I played almost the whole day and barely even stopped for meals.

New Resolution

I've made a new resolution. I'm going to try to blog every day. I know, I've made this resolution many times before, but I'm going to try really hard to make this time different. I added it as a daily task to my account on a website called HabitRPG. So I'm accountable every day to myself and sometimes to others for blogging. I'm also very determined to feel better.

I've been really struggling pretty much since we moved to Georgia. I can't seem to feel settled. I'm depressed and unmotivated nearly every day. I'm always exhausted and I've been choosing sleep over many activities. But I hate feeling like this. I want to enjoy life! I want to enjoy all the wonderful things that are around me and that have been happening.

I'm going to use a new format on my blog that will hopefully help me realize that there are more good things in my life than bad. I can blog about things that I'm struggling with, or negative things, but for each negative thing I write, I plan on writing a blessing, or good thing, and an accomplishment.

I want the rest of the day to happen before I blog for today, so, hopefully, I'll have two posts for today.

Please, please, please! Help me be accountable! Try to remind me or ask me what's up if I go too long without blogging.

Hardest Part of the Day

I have such a hard time with evenings. By the time I'm finished cooking dinner, I just can't take anymore. Cleaning up from dinner and putting the kids to bed seem like the most difficult jobs in the world. Sometimes, if I had an easy morning or a really long, relaxing afternoon, it's no big deal; however, that almost never happens. Why can't I just make it through one whole day taking care of my responsibilities without crashing or having a meltdown? 

I have a pork roast to put away and lots of dishes to do, some of the hand dishes have been sitting for like a week-and-half. My kids are running around like demons right now, jumping off furniture and wrestling each other. The thought of bathing, dressing, reading, and singing them to sleep, and then cleaning up from dinner is bringing me nearly to tears.

So, what are some ideas? How can I make evenings more tolerable or even, dare I say, pleasant?

What I REALLY Want for Mother's Day

I was thinking about what I really WANT while I was in the shower.

I've been feeling down a lot lately, and just feeling like I need something, but not know what it is. So my thought process went to how Mitchell and I haven't been spending much time together the past week because he's working on a "Top Secret" project right now, and will be until Monday. But then I thought about how we really haven't spent much time together since we moved to Georgia because he works about 50 hours a week. And we're always stressed about money or job stuff or something "adult."

So I realized what I want is a trip, with Mitchell and without the kids. We've NEVER done that before. In the 6 years we've been married, we've never gone somewhere special just the two of us (I'm not talking about a few hours for a date). We never had a honeymoon or a babymoon or an anniversary trip or any of those things that people normally do. Because we're poor, we've always been poor, and we probably always will be poor.

So what do I do then? How do I realize this dream? How have others done it?